(((o))) drumweaver

holy mother's protecting chain - a shaker hymn...

2011-06-13T23:12:00.007-07:00

Below, on video... thought i'd share my rendition of one beautiful traditional hymn i learned a while back... the "holy mother's protecting chain" - a shaker hymn... when i sing this hymn, it places me immediately within alignment with "the all that is" around me, within me, above me and below me... i feel our blessed earth mother singing through me who yearns to connect with all of us through her all beauty, music and art... i welcome your comments of how these words (lyrics) of beauty may speak to you...

i do hope you enjoy the music and the images of the beautiful roses - one being red which represents our blessed earth mother, pachamama and one white - representing our blessed apu mountain spirits...

Also, below if you wish to sing along... i've included the words/lyrics which also include some of the language of the spirits... mystery vowels which dwell from spirit sourcing from a very long time ago... i invite you to learn and share this song if you wish........ for i believe this song is a gift from our mother for all...

holy mother's protecting chain - a shaker hymn...

with my blessing
i have blessed you
oh my children!
with my comfort
i have comforted you
yah... with my love i have loved you

*the refrain is in the language of the spirits...

refrain...
vo o' vo nee
o har ka e 'on a se'

with my power
i've inspired you
oh my children!
with my glory
i have glorified you
yay, from my store
i have nourished you

refrain...

by my wisdom
i have guided you
oh my children!
with my beauty
i have beautified you
yay, with my grace
i have clothed you

refrain...

• this song is available on weaver's demo/sample CD titled, for all of you my beautiful ayllu* at cdbaby... click here to visit...

blessings with much light to you all...
with light and love, weaver (((o)))

*ayllu is a quechua word loosely meaning "community"... in the andes, the fundamental social unit was the "ayllu" a kinship group with a common ancestor... or... a sense of community that encompasses every being in a village, including hills, rivers, animals and plants, each of which is endowed with a spirit.

the power of the healing drum + a medical study - group drumming boosts your immune system...

2011-05-23T22:31:00.006-07:00

Lately, i've been thinking about rhythm and also the benefits of drumming... and so, wanted to share some things i have learned over the years...

"If you could see your DNA, you'd see what your inside rhythm looks like... You are rhythm... You are made of flesh, bones - and rhythm... Rhythm is what keeps you alive -- Mickey Hart

Within our bodies, we have the rhythm of breath, the rhythm of our heart and the rhythm of our blood pulsing through our veins. We are nothing but rhythm within and out...

Sometime when you have a moment... just sit quiet and just listen to the diverse rhythms around and within you... listen to the rhythm of a bird's song... the drumming of a flicker woodpecker... a squirrel's chatter... the ticking of the clock on the wall... the crackling of a hot fire... the constant passing of traffic on the freeway... the swishing of the wind swaying the branches of a tree or in the grasses... the honking of a truck's horn... the gentle drops of a spring rain... the gentle in and out of your own breath... that annoying drip on the kitchen faucet...

I have to giggle sometimes when folk tell me that they can't or don't know how to drum... i aways say, "of course you do! ...because the first thing you ever heard was your own mother's constant heart-beat - that's all you knew and heard while in her womb all that time... it's the first thing you learned... that constant pulse was all you knew! - so, yes... you know how to drum - it's the very first thing you were taught!"

Everyone knows how to drum - everyone who has a mother... a grandmother and our blessed earth mother...

I love this powerful teaching by sister drummer Layne Redmond...

“It is often said that the first sound we hear in the womb is our mother's heartbeat. Actually, the first sound to vibrate our newly developed hearing apparatus is the pulse of our mother's blood through her veins and arteries. We vibrate to that primordial rhythm even before we have ears to hear. Before we were conceived, we existed in part as an egg in our mother's ovary. All the eggs a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries while she is a four-month-old fetus in the womb of her mother.

This means our cellular life as an egg begins in the womb of our grandmother. Each of us spent five months in our grandmother's womb and she in turn formed within the womb of her grandmother. We vibrate to the rhythms of our mother's blood before she herself is born. And this pulse is the thread of blood that runs all the way back through the grandmothers to the first mother. We all share the blood of the first mother - we are truly children of one blood." -- Layne Redmond

Outside of ourselves are endless universal rhythms all around us... every 365 days our blessed earth mother revolves around father sun... while every 28 days, grandmother moon revolves around our mother earth... ever 24 hours our earth mother rotates (spins and dances) on her axis... since the beginning of time, these cycles have intertwined and are the background against which our universe exists...

Another great quote i love...

"Rhythm lives within everyone, and it's not something special. People don't have to have professional musical talents and techniques to express their rhythmical spirit. Everyone has a rhythmical sensibility within and how they express it differs from person to person. Rhythm permeates everyone's life. It is in everything we do, we see, we feel and it is within the rhythms of our bodies, as well. Rhythm is a fact of life." -- Arthur Hull

The voice of the drum is the bridge to the spirit realm... The pulse connecting us to our blessed earth mother's heartbeat... and the circular shape is that of the hoop of life.

The earth is round... the moon is round... the season's turn 'round and the stars and planets are round...

A circle is on of the most natural forms found in our physical universe... it has no beginning and no end..

"Blessed am I... Holy am I... I am the infinite within myself... I can find no beginning... I can find no end... Oh, this I Am!" -- traditional chant

Since the beginning of time, peoples have gathered together in circles in ceremony and ritual fashion to celebrate and to pray in community.

Participating in a drum circle creates community almost instantly... as soon as we begin to drum together and we entrain together... we become one -- we become community... we also have fun, we sing, dance, play music and socialize...

Drumming together mindfully and in a sacred way - by acknowledging our spirit and helper-spirits and our ancestors - those who have come before us also connects us in a very special way... we embrace purpose and again "one-ness" of "like- mind"...

Drumming together is also just plain fun... when we drum together, we can let down our guard, relax and let go thus reduce stress and worry... the sacred drum also clears the way on many levels... drum vibrations and sacred sound massage our bodies, our head, our brain and calms our mind... and also creates physical exercise...

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life -- Berthold Auerbach

A while back a medical study done by a team of MD's using control groups and blood tests show drumming together boosts the immune system.

It's now been proven that stress is a cause of 98% of most disease. Recent biofeedback studies show that drumming along with our own heart beat rhythm for at least 15 minutes a day alters brainwave patterns (increasing alpha) and dramatically reduces stress...

So, drumming actually "meditates" us!

...................................................

Medical Study: Group Drumming Boosts Immune System

A brand new medical research study indicates that group drumming boosts the immune system. Published in the January, 2001, issue of Larry Dossey’s Alternative Therapies the ground-breaking study was performed at Meadville Medical Center’s Mind-Body Wellness Center, by a team of MDs using control groups and blood tests.

Led by well-known researcher, author and cancer expert Barry Bittman, MD, CEO of Meadville Medical Center’s Mind-Body Wellness Center in Meadville, PA, the study shows that group drumming actually increases cancer-killing (NK) cells which help the body combat not only cancer but other viruses, including AIDS.

According to Dr. Bittman, “Group drumming tunes our biology, orchestrates our immunity, and enables healing to begin… When our hands connect with a drum that vibrates with our energy, vitality…and unity, we become whole again.” Dr. Bittman’s weekly radio program, Mind-Body Matters, is syndicated nationwide on NPR.

This new medical research follows recent biofeedback research showing that even brief heartbeat drumming can double alpha (a light meditative brainwave) and reduce stress. We now know that stress depresses the immune system and has been linked to nearly all diseases.

Drumming has also been used successfully with Alzheimer’s patients to focus attention, with war veterans to end trauma, with addicts in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse, and with prison and homeless populations to enhance self-esteem. Progressive corporations like Motorola, AT & T and Levi Strauss have drummed with middle management to promote team spirit-building.

Widely published research also indicates that playing musical instruments increases kids learning abilities. This appears especially true of instruments which can be played intuitively, like the drum. Qualitative studies have shown that drumming enhances right-brain functions such as intuition and creativity.

“Dreams are the way the unconscious speaks to the conscious mind. Ritual is how the conscious mind speaks back. One-sided conversations are unhealthy for the psyche, which craves response. New thought writings on addiction suggest that we are hungry, that our souls are starved because our lives are devoid of ritual.

“We keep trying desperately and unsuccessfully to feed this hunger with food, drugs, sex, alcohol, work, shopping, gambling, etc. Drumming is one of the most accessible forms of ritual because drumming along with our own heartbeat is so natural. It calms, centers, and reconnects us with our deeper selves.”

...................................................

"The drum is the Great Spirit's favourite instrument. That is why we were given a heartbeat. -- Mano, Navajo Elder

drumtime - a remembering and a call to return to my self caring...

2011-03-09T22:42:00.013-08:00

Whoa! ...talk about timing tonight!

And i guess, no accident either....

Every once in a while, one comes across a piece of writing, a song or some art or whatever that comes at exactly the time one needs it and this has happened for me tonight... from an email i received just a little while ago.... and i just have to share it because it has moved me to a place i have been yearning for of late...

The timing is perfect because the last little while has been particularly a trying time for me in some ways... in addition to life being waaay too busy and crazy with too many things to do and attempting to get done - you know that saying, "it never rains but it pours" kind of time?... and it's at these times when i know for myself, that i can get a little lost and disconnected from my source... and when that happens, well... let's just say... i've been feeling a tad alone in it all... and so... i've been asking for some help and guidance re all that...

and, bonk!... the teaching-time comes yet again (thanks Rafiki!)..............

I'm not sure what these beautiful words really have to do with drumming but what i do know is that when i drum, connecting with the drum's sacred voice is one of the ways... one of my ways (practice) - slipping me into the present moment of the now - connecting me to my god/ess self and within sacred sound source... the great spirit of all... and i quite love that feeling and space to reside in... feel like i totally belong there for sure... (((o)))

and so... tonight i wanted to share these words so beautifully written by Jafree Ozwald - so that this wonderful teaching and may also move and inspire you too...

Thank you great spirit for all that i am and all that i do because everything comes from you... ! -- weaver (((o)))

So... below is some very deep teaching to share with you all - enjoy!

...blessings with much light dear ones... weaver (((o)))

How to Start the Spiritual Adventure of your Life

Would you like to have a spiritual experience that is truly profound?

If you want to explore a state of real everlasting pleasure, deep reservoirs of bliss, and exquisite peaks of freedom, then open yourself to seeing everything in your life as a spiritual adventure. This means that you're always relating to every experience from the soul's perspective. You see the cosmic play happening in front of you on the great stage of the world. All relationships are your mirrors, reflecting back you what may be seen or unseen inside.

As you begin realizing that you and everyone else are infinite spiritual beings, who are eternal, infinite, timeless, who were never born and will never ever die you stop taking everything soooo darn seriously. When you deeply understand this spiritual truth in all that you do, within each moment of your interactions with others and the internal dialog within you, then your most typical day of your life becomes exotically filled with the succulent sweetness of your soul. Life instantly becomes an enlightening magical joy ride when you are using each precious moment of your day to relate to yourself (and others) as if this is a grand spiritual play.

The secret to tapping into this knowing is realizing that as an infinite soul you must already be intimately connected to an infinite source of intelligence, love and freedom. We'll call this unnamable source "The God Source" for lack of a better expression.

This divine God Source is an all-loving, all-powerful, infinite source of divine intelligent joy, peace and abundance that can always be found within you. It's good to know that all problems in your life start from feeling a lack of this connection.

You cannot have a problem, worry or fear when you know this all-powerful Source is always here now, instantly and easily available to assist you at any moment you are in need.

The magic comes in when you start knowing this Truth with every cell of your body.

I invite you to do a fun spiritual exercise with your soul this week. Practice imagining that you are constantly having a one-on-one personal conversation with the God Source. Visualize the communication doorway is always open and the exchange of divine information is forever flowing between you and pure Universal intelligence.

You don't have to know God personally to make your grand introduction, and often its better that you have no preconceived idea what God looks, feels or sounds like.

Be brave and step into the unknown!

This exercise is about going through your ordinary routine that you do every week, yet acting as if the all mighty wisest master of masters is having a dialog with you.

Be conscious, present and honor the communication that happens by offering your deepest con cerns, questions, and problems you're truly facing.

If you've tried to make this connection in the past and find you always hit a block, wall or some doubt that distracts you or completely stops you from feeling connected, take a deeply look and feel into what that really is. Bring this topic to the conversation table.

Often whenever we have a certain blocked energy inside us, it's a cry for healing and fuel for a profound transformation in life. Anytime you hit a block or wall in life is good. For it simply means your mind/body is calling to become lighter and move beyond this heaviness inside. It's often the first baby steps in this great spiritual adventure that become the most revolutionary. The smallest adjustment to ones perception of reality can create a monumental change in the entire direction your life takes you.&nb sp;

By opening the mind to a small shift in perception, your heart can instantly open up and feel reconnected with something that we can only call The Absolute Divine.

To tap into this divine relationship, you must be very humble, extremely quiet and deeply patient inside if you wish to make this connection real.

As you allow your ego/mind to take a back seat and practice being receptive to whatever information shows up, I believe you'll be very surprised at what happens. There is a very old Zen saying which goes like this..."the quieter you can become, the more you're able to hear."

By quieting the mind we automatically are falling deeper within ourselves and getting closer towards this divine source. You don't have to struggle inside or push far beyond the stars to create this connection. Establishing this divine relationship means you're willing to give up your "Lone Ranger" attitude in life, and accept the fact that you are never alone.

You must admit that God has always been here, and always willing to give you instant access to profound states of love, empowerment, feelings of abundance and joy that are more amazing than you could ever imagine.

Anytime you are alone is the most powerful time to practice turning your attention inside and allowing this divinely honest conversation to unfold within.

This highest conscious intelligence knows you better than you know yourself so you don't have to be embarrassed, guilty or shy about anything. It's already seen you before you were even naked.

The God Source has already been listening to your plight from the very beginning, and can only respond with the most gentle, benevolent, infinitely loving and forgiving kindness, so you have nothing to lose but your grip on the ego/mind. Whenever you feel separate, alone and isolated, it is the ego/mind that is creating this illusion and this intimate conversation is most powerful way to break free from it.

Science has already proven the quantum field of energy around us is an "intelligent soup" that we cannot be separate from. Every thought and feeling passing through you is a free ticket to realizing this. The God Source knows what thoughts you need to wake up, and is constantly redirecting the experiences to you which will bring you home to your highest self. Don't judge your experience no matter how horrifying it may seem.

There are no mistakes in this all-intelligent conscious soup; it always knows what's best for your soul's highest evolution. Your job is simply to be receptive, and allow yourself to receive the greatest wisdom and life direction you are needing.

In time you'll find this divine conversation will offer the best guidance you could ever ask for, and you'll soon realize that you were never ever alone.

Recieved by email tonight from...

How to Start the Spiritual Adventure of your Life

By Jafree Ozwald of

www.EnlightenedBeings.com

Above drawing "drumtime" by carol weaver is also available as a tshirt at Red Bubble here >>
copyright © all rights reserved

gratitude friday... acknowledging and feeling appreciation...

2011-02-04T12:02:00.012-08:00

i've been following a good friend's blog lately - and on friday's she often posts something about gratitude - calling it "gratitude friday"...

...and so, today, after reading her post, i was inspired to post a couple of my most favourite quotes/teachings by Esther Hicks (Abraham) on "appreciation" ...i often read them to remind myself of what i appreciate in life...

why i like these two quotes is that they really plunk me into the present moment to ask myself or, better yet, really align me into acknowledging and affirming what i appreciate in my own life... and when i do that - i feel sooo much better in all ways - right now! ...where, connecting there instantly raises my vibration and feeling-state in a such a wonderful way -

...everything simply lightens up, i smile from the inside out and i just simply "feel good"... taking me out of the everyday stress of all that stuff that i have to do or what's not working or whatever...

you know... the stuff makes us feel less than what or who we truly are...
it's like looking at an apple tree... how do you see this tree?

i believe that "prosperity" guarantees that I can “buy” or "get" an apple from that tree... where, true "abundance" is actually “witnessing” or “seeing the apple tree in full fruit”... wholeness... fullness - it just "is" ...abundant...

abundance is about connecting with your “vibration"... embracing and allowing the "feeling" of the “fullness” of life... prosperity is what you can “earn” or "get"...

i think it's all about awareness and how we "see"....

So, i invite you too to just take a moment or two to acknowledge some of what you appreciate today... and i welcome your comments, thoughts and wisdom - please share.... i look forward to learning more about this great topic...

So, here are my favourite abundance quotes... enjoy...

"Appreciation is the secret to life.
Become a person who appreciates, and you will thrive: you will fulfill your reason for being."

"Every time you praise something, every time you appreciate something, every time you feel good about something, you are telling the Universe, "More of this, please... More of this, please."

...You need never again make another verbal statement of this intent, and if you were allowing your cork to float — all good things would flow to you."

--Abraham-Hicks.com

Blessings to you all this wonderful day...
weaver (((o)))
.

a drum honouring... drum dedication... and one shamanic art drum finds a loving home...

2011-01-02T01:01:00.023-08:00

Happy New Year to all... tho' this post feels a tad late...

It's always a bit of a challenge to get packed up to go to our ayllu (community) shamanic healing intensive weekend(s) as i always seem to have too much stuff to take and attempt to get into our car for the 4-5 hour trip up to Sorrento... (in the interior of BC just north of Kamloops)...

This past November, again, i was preparing to go and assist offering the music and also help out with the healing work... and be in our loving shamanic healing community...

This past November, we were going up for a North Direction and knowing that i can't take too many drums because of limited space - i always ask the drums "which ones want or need to come?"... and i usally get an answer of some sort... this time tho', too many wanted to come and so i had to draw a line somewhere...

What was cool is that two sacred drums that i had recently created wanted to come... i wasn't sure as they are quite large at 22 inches in diameter and are also "art" drums... ones that i had painted as well - both specifically (as one piece) for a juried art show i was a part of last summer. I had had hopes that maybe at least one of them may have sold during the show but neither did...

The two shamanic drums i'm talking about are the same two i've mentioned on this blog in an earlier post (see below)... The "Red Labrys Shield Protection" drum and the "Visioning Celebration" drum...

After much humming and hawing, i decided that they both could come even tho' i wasn't really sure why and hoped there would be room in the car... and i really didn't feel that they would sell either... but, that didn't really matter - that didn't feel like the reason they were to come... what was important or felt right is that it seemed that both needed to go...

I did manage to get them and everything else and ourselves in the car and off we went...

When we arrived at the Centre and were setting up the room for the workshop for that weekend... at first we weren't sure where to put or display the drums - when someone suggested hanging them high up on one wall...

That suggestion was kind of cool as they really looked nice and seemed to set the energy of the room in a nice way... i still wondered why they were there but thought there must be a reason of some sort... i was also feeling a tad uneasy about them both being there as the "medicine" that was a part of these drums - particularly the shield one held alot of energy with regards to my own personal healing journey... and that felt a bit vulnerable on a few levels...

From the beginning, i had often felt funny about this one drum with offering it "for sale" and wondered if anyone would ever feel called to caretake and care for this drum... Should i really sell it or not?... this question often nagged at me... but something kept telling me to trust that this drum was not for me to caretake... i knew this on a deep level even tho' i really didn't understand it...

It wasn't until about half way through the weekend while looking up at them on the wall during a session that i finally realized that these two drums were both holding the energy of the theme of the weekend...

This weekend, we were working with the energy of the masculine and feminine and i suddenly realized that one drum was female and the other male... i had to smile to myself with much thanks that spirit had totally guided this one - what a riot!

The next thing that happened really surprised me... later that afternoon, i had someone ask about purchasing the shield drum for her grandson as a gift... i totally wasn't expecting that!

A female drum for her grandson?... wow, hadn't thought of that option and how special would that be?... we had an interesting discussion about that for a bit - which was very cool for me... at one point later, i let go of what i initially judged about that and asked spirit to guide the process and let my whatever attachment of that go...

And... then... i had another person tell me that Michelle was interested in buying the same drum! I couldn't believe it.. that now, two folk were being called to this one drum... I never thought that dear Michelle would be called to that drum... or maybe that drum was calling her?

Michelle and i had a nice chat about her interest in the drum and told me she would "sleep" on it and let me know in the morning her decision...

First thing on Sunday morning, Michelle came up to me saying that she would like to be the drum's caretaker and handed me a deposit towards it... i was sooo thrilled for her and so honoured of all this...

Later that morning during session... at one point Valerie (one of our teachers and a dear friend) stood up, went up over to the drum and took it down from the wall and asked her sister Michelle to stand and walked over and dedicated and gifted the shield drum to her... thanking her for all the work she does to make our wonderful weekends happen... as these weekends would never happen without her...

I was sooo moved with what was happening... the moment was so touching to witness such honouring between two sisters... with the passing of this sacred big drum to it's loving caretaker... i will never forget that moment and realized right then, that yes.. this sacred drum did indeed have someone out there waiting for her - for both of them... and here it was happening right now!

At the moment the drum was passed to Michelle, a very special thing happened... i felt such an immediate letting go of all that was a part of the healing journey connected to that drum for me and the medicine instantly shifted and the drum became the healer for Michelle - these two were definitely meant to be together...

I cried tears of such joy in that moment...

Holy cow batman! It was one of, if not, the most moving experience of my life to witness such sacredness, healing and power connected to my art and creation... a beautiful give-away in so many ways... actually hard to describe...

I give thanks for all the gifts in my life - thank you great spirit... for all that i have and all that i do because everything comes from you!

with much gratitude, light and love,
weaver (((o)))

Lunar Samhain – drum-time of remembrance and dreamings…

2010-11-04T23:34:00.035-07:00

we all come from the stars....
and to the stars, we must return...
on a bridge of rainbow light...
coming home... to who we are...
- weaver © 2006

It’s been an interesting number of weeks coming up to this time of Samhain this year… it seems every few weeks, i learn of someone i know dear who has suddenly died... from either a heart attack... suicide and cancer... young lives suddenly gone in an instant waaay too early... it just doesn't make sense....

It's been such a shock so many times over... and feeling so sad for the loss... and has certainly awoken many thoughts on what the "priorities" are in my life and what is truly important... those i love and cherish... family and friends...

Today, Friday, November 5th is also a new moon (in Scorpio) and we’re gathering to be in sacred circle to acknowledge and honour this special time of the year and to drum together…

Samhain (pronounced sow-wen) means “end” within the Celtic earth-based Wiccan shamanic traditions… Samhain marks the symbolic death of the Sun God and his passing into the "land of the young," where he awaits rebirth of the Mother Goddess at Yule.

In this cycle of the year it is the end of summer, the end of harvest-time and the beginnings of winter – the death and falling way of the old past year… a time of the great mother, our blessed earth mother begins her rest to go to sleep for the winter to regenerate to begin again in the spring…

When growing up on our family farm, i loved the musty smells of decaying burning leaves from the many burning bonfires scattered throughout our community…
It was the time of year was when the cows came in from the summer pastures… and our big ol’ barn was stuffed full of hay and straw… and the two towering silos seeped at their seams with their fermenting stink of silage… the machinery was maintained and put away… my mom putting up endless jars of canned perserves and squirrling them away in the basement cupboards... it was the completion of the harvest and the rains came…
i miss the smells of those times living in the city now...

Samhain is also the time of the “old white-haired crone”… the “wise ones”… the “elders”… “grandmother white wolf” and the “crystal teachers”… guardians who graciously open the gateway for our dear beloved ones who have passed to the enter the place of the “Summerlands” – a place to await to be reborn and live again…

The lunar new moon cycle is a magical time of new beginnings – an opportunity to recharge one’s goals that have already been set or create new ones. It’s a good time to also reflect on the last year… an opportunity to let go of that which no longer serves you or works… to release old habits or addictions…

It’s interesting re the “goal-thing” and the timing of this season…. as i’ve been building a new business and a big part of learning the new tools of this business is the importance of setting goals and intention of what i’d like to see happen in all areas of my life including this new business.

I’ve realized that i have never spent a lot of time actually writing down many of my goals in the past – it seems, most of my life, i’ve pretty much bumbled along juggling my many interests and passions mindlessly hoping for the best… and so, this exercise has been a good one for me and a new learning – it’s a time to really look at what and where i’d like to be and mindfully create that…

As we enter this season of darkness i invite you to write down all that you want or don’t want and all that you’d like to let go… shake the crumbs and dust from your pockets… then, gather it all up and take it to the sacred fire and burn it away - to become light… and, as it burns, let the flames inform you and teach you and warm you… and then, be open to receive the gift of the light returning transformed filling you back up to embrace your vision and your own dreamings… your own goals for the coming new year…

Samhain is a time when the "veils between the worlds" are the thinnest… where we can connect with our dear ones who have passed – to honour them and bid them farewell on their journeys to the light…

We also welcome all the newly born and celebrate their arrival blessing us with their bright light!

This night of the lunar Samhain… in sacred circle through the sacred drum’s ever-present open heart with prayers, we will honour our elders, our ancestors and our dear, dear friends and kin who have recently passed... setting chairs for them to be with us one more time... sending them our love and remembrance…

For… dear Skye MacDougall…

For dear Nancy Eagles (Patchouli)…

For dear Brent Astle...

For dear Anne Russell…

For dear Shelley Cromie...

For all our beloved ancestors... our dearly beloved… we will sooo miss you and wish you well on your journey home… and we honour you!

Blessed be… Hi-yi-yah! - We hear your voice!

What is remembered lives!

(((o)))

Song of Samhain

I am the hallow-tide of all souls passing...
I am the bright releaser of all pain...
I am the quickener of of the fallen seed-case...
I am the glance of the winter twilight....
I am the hearth-fire and the welcome bread...
I am the curtained awning of the pillow...
I am the unending wisdom's golden thread.
—Caitlin Matthews

(((o)))

...above, a video of ms. murphy and the crows in our backyard this Fall.......

reiki drum... shaman drum... choku rei drum...

2010-10-27T17:35:00.009-07:00

This is a healing drum...

...one that i recently created into being...

...and, the process was an interesting one to work with ...a very powerful energy symbol... always, creating sacred drums hold their own process and timing and also always teach me so much... creating any drum always challenge me on some level or another... and i sometimes wonder why i even do it... but spirit keeps nudging me to keep on keeping on...

This sacred drum taught me a lot about simplicity... about ease, clearness and right action... and to not worry... particularly about "perfection"... this drum taught me to let go of always having to perfect...

During this drum's creation, i was struck as to how simply the drum came together... i like that the frame is not perfectly round but in the end result, i believe turned out quite beautiful in it's imperfection...

The Choku Rei symbol i chose to paint on this drum is one of the 2nd degree symbols used in the ancient hands-on healing art of Reiki.

Reiki means “Universal Life Energy” and comes from and through ancient shamanic traditions in Japan, Tibet and many others.

I work with the Reiki energy within my energy-healing practice including the sacred drum often combining both within a treatment...

Choku Rei, (pronounced choke-koo-ray) translated means, “fill with Holy Spirit,” or, “Spirit/God/Goddess is here!”...

As a symbol in Reiki practice, it is used for directing universal energy and for amplifying this energy. It breaks through blocked or stagnant energy and transforms negative energy to positive energy. It is often drawn before beginning a healing and can also be drawn to bring a blessing to any place. Drawing it before a healing is a bit like a signal to switch on the healing energy and to increase its power.

Takata Sensei (one of Reiki’s lineage teachers) called this symbol the "Invocation of universal power". Often, healers draw this symbol over their palms before placing their hands. Wearing this symbol is a statement that you wish to connect to universal spirit and be a sacred vessel for this energy to flow through.

I always draw this symbol on my own healing drum before i assist someone in the healing (transformation) work… as i feel the sacred drum works as an extension of the “healing that sources” through me (as the hollow bone) to wherever the healing energy needs to go and occur in it’s own time and space.

Working with the sacred drum also breaks up blocked and stagnant energy and amplifes the “Reiki”.

I feel sooo honoured to offer healing (for wherever the healing needs to go) to those who wish to move energy and shift that which needs to be shifted within their lives...

blessings.... weaver (((o)))

Note: this ocean drum is for sale to anyone called to caretake and carry this reiki drum... if you're interested in knowing more, please feel free to contact me...

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a shamanic ocean drum... with a celtic triskel...

2010-10-25T22:24:00.005-07:00

This is a true shamanic drum because it is double-sided with deer-hide.

Two-sided (double-headed) drums when played create 3 sounds – from sounding one side of the drum, that sound bounces off the opposite side (hide) back thus the two sounds create a third sound – “sound creating sound”…

The ancient symbol painted on this drum is a Celtic Triskel or Triskele – with many meanings from also other traditions as well…

Some representing the sacred number “3”… body, mind, spirit… maiden, mother, crone… past, present, future… the 3 worlds: the lowerworld, middleworld, upperworld… the unconscious, conscious, super-conscious… and more… action… cycles… progress… revolution… moving forward… in-breath... between-breath... out-breath...

have a listen.... and journey on the wave of the powerful sound of mama Coacha - mother ocean...

The meaning of three is about the union of two parts to create a unique whole. That point of union forms the fruit of knowledge - it is our access point to unlimited potential.

It is no accident that all the mystic teachings incorporate the power of three within their folds. Three represents the union of the numbers prior to it (One and Two). Numerologically speaking, if One represents force, and Two represents an opening, then Three is the birthing of true wisdom.

Why did i choose this symbol for an ocean drum? I feel it can also represent the constant movement of our mother ocean and her powerful healing cleansing energy…

This drum is also special because it is an “ocean drum”. Inside this drum are many tiny metal beads… one way to play this drum is to turn it on it’s side and gently rock the drum back and forth horizontally, moving the metal beads together (as one) which create the sound of the ocean waves rolling onto the beach…

This sound is very powerful, present-giving and meditative – also wonderful for ceremony and very healing...

I had a blast birthing this very special drum... it taught me alot about the ocean and our sacred waters that give us life - for without water we would not exisit... i give much gratitude to the sacred waters......... thank you mama coacha - great mother ocean... thank you...

(((o))) blessings, weaver

Note: this ocean drum is for sale to anyone called to caretake and carry this special drum... if you're interested in knowing more, please feel free to contact me... UPDATE... this ocean drum is now sold - if you would like a custom ocean drum made to order, please contact weaver directly >>

Also... play the youtube video above to hear a sound sample demo of what this ocean drum sounds like...

The Shamanic Drum - Two Healing Drums created with Pride...

2010-08-03T11:27:00.042-07:00

A healing journey through two special drums...

Over a year ago or so, i created and birthed two 22-inch shamanic drums specifically for a curated art show locally where i live... of which i've been very proud to have been chosen... both were birthed on the same day... it had to be that way and wow! ...what a proces it was - one i'll cherish forever.

Part of my spiritual path as an artist and musician is that i’m also a drum-maker. I make drums – spirit art drums - when i am called to...

The drum has been a part of me since i can remember... i have always played drums, i perform with drums and the drum is very much a part of my healing practice both personally and professionally.

Every drum i create is unique and teaches me so much - they always challenge me and move me to grow on many levels - every time... each drum holds it's own unique spirit and it seems... it's own challenges and deep teachings... it's always an honouring and very humbling process for me... i also find the process a very physical one as well... each drum shares and teaches it's own unique journey (through the process) and it's sacred medicine...

And... it was a very powerful and humbling experience to create two sacred drums from my own personal healing journey...

Both shamanic drums are very playable 22-inch frame drums made out of wood and natural rawhide each a painted design in acrylics. These two drums went together as one piece/submission for the art show entitled "Healing Ourselves - Drumming Pride".

Two shamanic drums and healing drums – one that symbolically comes from a “wounded past” named “Labrys Shield Protection Drum”; and the other named “Visioning Celebration Drum” symbolically resides in “present-time visioning”.

Spiritually, every part of a drum has meaning and holds spirit – from the spirit of the tree from which the steam-bent wooden frame is formed to the living spirit of the hide of the animal it came from. Both drum frames are made of maplewood that offers energy of promise, practicality and independence of mind.

When i make drums i always create them within sacred space honouring with prayers and offerings of gratitude to the spirits and helper-guides.

Both these drums hold much energy and power... and they play beautifully...

Healing Ourselves - Drumming Pride

The first drum: A Labrys Shield Protection Drum...

On this drum is the symbol of a red Labrys. The Labrys has many historical and powerful meanings. The word “Labyrinth” comes from the word "Labrys", referring to a double bladed axe. Its representation had religious and most likely magical significance.

The Labrys was used throughout the Mycenaean world as an apotropaic symbol (meaning “to ward off”); that is, the presence of the symbol on an object would prevent it from being “killed.”

Also, historically, women were known as the “first drummers” and they often painted their drums red which held many meanings such as representing the sacred earth mother, the blood of life, fertility and birth and more. The colour red also denotes the action of “stop!” – a symbol we all know so well as our familiar traffic stop sign and intersection lights.

The hide on this drum is from the spirit of Goat. Goat teaches us how to create a solid foundation on which to stand and helps us develop confidence as we move towards new heights and aspirations.

It can also indicate a need to let go of the "security of our insecurity" and undertake new endeavours pertinent to our growth.

Reversed out on the Labrys blades are my two hands displaying a time in my life when i experienced being bashed by a homophobic neighbour who threatened to kill me, my partner and 14-year-old daughter when we lived in a housing co-operative a few years ago. Never have i ever experienced that kind of fear - ever... and will never forget it...

Amazingly, we survived that frightening incident but many of our brothers and sisters HAVE NOT survived the bashing, harassment and the invisibility.

We were lucky on one level where, the young man who had so viciously threatened our lives eventually, (after many, many months) receieved a criminial record (as a hate crime) for his actions... However, the co-op where we had lived (for eight years) never once ever asked him to leave or demand any consequence for his actions.

I still ask the question to this day as to why we were able to deem this incident as a Hate Crime (even tho' it was!) when, Aaron Webster's case and so many others who have been brutally murdered for being gay, lesbian, trans-gendered or of colour or race or religion, have not.

It just baffles my head and whole being to no end! It was also my partner (now past) who never gave up with her tenacity working consistently and tirelessly with the only lone RCMP Hate Crimes officer (assigned to the whole lower mainland for all hate crimes) and the Prosecutor's office and the amazing luck that we happened to receieve a Judge who chose to "think about" our case for a week before making his decision. I also believe that prayer and honouring who we were as women had a lot to do with as well...

Our neighbour had consistently harrassed us for a number of years prior to that incident and never did the co-op ever do anything to stop it or deal with it. They kept wanting us to just turn a blind eye and forget about it... where, even at one point, suggested that we were instigating "the problem"... and "poking the bear" - blame the victim! We were good co-op members that always participated on numerous committees and engaged with our community as we were asked - more than most members in that co-op.

What was so terrifying and most disturbing while the incident happened that night was, that not one of our neighbours came out or did anything to help us. That really told us a lot about what kind of community we were really living in. When we initially chose to live there, we were led to believe and were ensured that we were moving into a caring, safe and diverse community that welcomed us - wrong!

This sacred drum represents our wounded-ness and fear of our past – the old way(s). Before healing can begin, i feel we must first acknowledge our wounds and our fears – giving them a face and a name – to "drum" them out in the open. The sacred drum can assist us to “clear the way”... and it does so without judgement... the sacred drum simply reveals the present moment...

Not long after the incident at the co-op, as part of my healing process, ceremonially, i went back (where the incident had happened) to my front door with my sacred drum as shield and protector and energetically and mindfully “drummed” my fear back out through that door and without judgement, gave all the fear, the trauma and the hate back to my perpetrator – thus letting go of all that which was not mine.

In that very moment, i re-stood my ground and reclaimed my power.

The second drum: A Visioning Celebration Drum - A Pride Drum

At the center of this Pride drum is the “heart”, a red circle representing the heart of our community - of all.

What do i envision for my own community? What is my dreaming? What is our dreaming as a whole?

The hide of this drum is from the spirit of the deer.

Deer teaches us the power of gentleness... of keen observation and sensitivity. Deer are in tune with nature and all she holds. They are sacred carriers of peace and show those with this totem how to open their hearts and love unconditionally.

Watching the deer and her young is a reminder to honour the child like innocence within your own self to move with gentleness with an open heart. It also suggests that you stand strong on your path and not allow yourself to get distracted by outside influences.

Within the community heart represented by the four coloured dots are the four sacred directions: East, South, West and North representing the four aspects of all life – the four races (all), the four winds, the four seasons, the four stages of life, the four elements, etc.

Radiating out from the heart and the sacred directions is our community – the rainbow, the dots and the four arrows of spirit guiding our path – all of that which represents the colourful diversity of all of who we are.

From one heart beat of love and compassion of who we truly are, we can choose to let go of the consciousness of the “i” and... “me” also... "us" and... "them" ...to embrace a vision of ourselves as a community - as "ayllu" – and realize that together we can reclaim our power "as one" to dream our dreams into being as if they are happening right now in the moment and celebrate the fruition and gifts of our vision created together for our future.

The sacred drum can teach us about community pulse, about entrainment, about wholeness, healing and pride!

...If you would like to see more of and hear how the "pride" drum sounds, i welcome you to view the short video below - enjoy! weaver (((o)))

.............................

Note: Both these sacred drums are available for sale to whomever is called to care-take them and work with them shamanically/spiritually... if you or someone you know is interested, please feel free to contact weaver directly to discuss logistics and pricing... (Update Note: The first drum, "A Labrys Shield Protection Drum" has now been sold... the "Visioning Celebration Pride Drum" is still available for sale... if you are interested in purchasing this sacred drum, please contact weaver directly by email here >>

Weaver is also available to create a custom sacred shamanic medicine drum for you or anyone called... again, please contact her via www.drumweaver.com.

a mother's cry...

2010-03-08T15:32:00.011-08:00

a song i wrote...
about the 3 mothers in my life....

a mother’s cry

there’s a deepness dark in me
that never goes away…
my soul sooo yearns
for someone I’ve never known…

i think I can hear… a mother’s cry…

i often wonder why
when I see an eagle fly…
in a distance far away
is a love i'll never show…

i think I can hear… my mother’s cry…
i think I can hear… my mother’s cry…

my tears run fast
like the rivers of my blood…
my heart longs... for you
will you please remember me…

can you not hear… your mother’s cry…
can you not hear… your mother’s cry…

will you freely sing to me
like you always used to do…
please... listen for me
as I always do for you…

will you not hear… your mother’s cry…
will you not hear... your mother's cry

i invite you to return
to the ancient sacred way…
time to... let go of the fear
walk with me to the holy fire…

now you can hear… your mother’s cry…
now you can hear… your mother’s cry…
now you can hear… your mother’s cry…

-- © 2004 weaver • SOCAN

(((o)))

8000 sacred drums - "feeling" our vision to peace with finally some hope...

2010-01-04T15:11:00.032-08:00

Had a very interesting experience last night...

Tho' it wasn't until today that i learned something about the power of feelings and the different and many forms of prayer...

We were off to have dinner at my mom's last night - headed off in my little beater of a car (which hadn't been driven for a number of days - an '86 honda)

...And about 15 mins into the trip, while we were in in the lane waiting to get onto the Knight Street Bridge, my car sputtered and coughed, finally stalling and wouldn't start again...

Yikes!

...Needless to say, after numerous attempts to get her started the engine flooded completely out and we were now stuck in the worst place of all places to be stalled and stuck - with hoards of traffic wanting to get onto the bridge and we were sooo in the way...

Ugh...

And so, when the light turned green again, those behind us started to honk and zoom out around us on all sides, some even went through red lights to get on the bridge they were so impatient and pissed...

My partner calmly called BCAA learning that it was looking like a long wait as they were swamped with other pleas for help elsewhere in the city... there was no way to see how we could even get the car out of there safely becuz of the amount of busy traffic all around us...

We were marooned in road-rage hell.....

Well.. i lost it... Completely...

I couldn't believe it - of all places to be stuck.... i got so angry and frustrated with myself and the car and the world and certainly voiced it and felt it...

Oh... there were snippets when i thought to myself that i should just chill out and relax with calm patience that help could soon be on it's way...

I tried but to no avail...........

With the amount of frustration emoting all around us in the cars and traffic zooming all around us, i just couldn't get myself there... it was all a tad too tense for my liking... and pretty scary actually - we felt like sitting ducks, surrounded...

Only one person, a woman, stopped beside us rolling her window down to ask us if we needed help or to borrow her cell phone...

Well.. after about a half hour of the waiting.. and another desperate call to BCAA to see what was up... and again them saying it was still going to be much longer... i thought to give the car another shot and amazingly...

It started just enough to get us the heck out of there... and i managed to limp the car back home via the back-streets with my dear partner chanting "green light... green light... green light..." all the way... Once home we switched cars and got out to my moms for dinner eventually... (note: my partner didn't crack once)...

And so, this morning i woke up feeling absolutely like crap..i felt like i had been literally run over... my head ached.. my body ached with much pain and i was exhausted...

And then... i happened to stumble on the below videos later today - which i think will explain a lot more of what i'm babbling about here.. ... (interesting how spirit keeps patiently waking one up with more experience eh?)....

"Bonk... yet again!" Thank you Rafiki...

In the videos, i've learned that it's been scientifically proven that our emotions really do affect our body and everything around us... Even tho' i believe on some level i already knew this stuff... but going through the experience of a stalled car in the worst place ever helped me get it alot better this time - duh...

I couldn't help but see very clearly that last night, i certainly bashed myself in many ways emotionally and it sure manifested in my body today... whoa... look what i created for myself in a such a short period of time!

So... enjoy the wisdom in these video teachings from Gregg Braden... they're pretty cool - felt like sharing them with you - i welcome your thoughts and related experiences............?

What i also loved learning here is that there is indeed hope... hope that i can heal myself with good feelings.... compassion, love, gratitude and patience... and so much more...

I also learned that especially, there's hope for us as a species and hope for the planet - our dear earth mother.... maybe we can finally stop bashing ourselves and her as a collective eh?..... we just need to start feeling what we want together, as one...........

Gregg teaches... "feel the feeling as if the prayer has already happened."

And i also learned that the percentage of the whole global population needed to make a shift, we only need about 8000 of us to make that happen..... that's seems doable, yes?

Hmmmnn...

"When 8000 sacred drums sound together,
an intense healing of Mother Earth will commence."
- 500 year-old Otomi Prophecy

Interesting re that 8000 drums prophecy eh?... The Otomi people state that the 8000 sacred drums prophecy has been fulfilled and was fulfilled some years ago... Though, i find it interesting that we all still keep drumming ceremonially together every year at Spring Equinox year after year.... hoping and praying...

hmmmnnn...

Okay, but i'm not seeing world peace yet.. are you?

And, i'm not seeing our dear earth mother healed yet either - are you?

Hmmm....... Here's a thought...

I wonder what could happen if we all just added one piece to the equation maybe... let's consider adding our "feeling" vision to this one... our feeling vision and prayer as to how we'd like to really see it - let's feel what the healed peaceful state would feel like.... let's feel it... smell it... touch it... and know with every sense and everything we've got...

And i do believe that we finally just might get it AND see it - maybe?

Hmmmm, what a nice thought....

with much love and light - happy new year... weaver (((o)))

PS... I invite you to watch the 3 videos below to learn more what i learned today...

me and my guitar had a date today...

2009-06-18T22:02:00.005-07:00

well it was kind of cool... today i actually played my guitar, my dulcitar and sang... it felt really good to do that... what prompted such a session is that i've got half hour gig at a coffeehouse tomorrow night and thought i had better dust off the instruments and see if i can actually still play let alone perform...

well... i do believe i can and i really enjoyed it... just played for the fun of it and it made me wonder why i don't play like i used to... i think i've been pretty wrapped up in simply "making a living" and literally forgetting about my music... that which doesn't "earn" me a living...

however...

one big awareness that struck deep as i was playing was how much my music is such a part of me and how sad it is that i haven't been honouring it for such a long while unless "i have to"...

i really felt that i re-connected with my music today in a very wonderful way that i can't really explain - it's just something that i "know" about myself... i really just let myself "play" and let my "self" go to just "be" with whatever came and flowed out of me... especially with my voice... it was good to hear my own voice singing... felt like maybe i "cleared" some stuff out of the way maybe...

and..

i had a blast! thank you!

also.. it's good to be back at this blog - something else i've neglected too...

so, in a way i think, i welcomed myself back in a couple of ways today...

signing off with much gratitude...
weaver (((o)))

where i've been spending more time...

2007-09-10T15:36:00.003-07:00

well... if you've been visiting this blog at all of late... you might notice that i haven't been posting much lately...

well... just to let you know... i've been spending more time at another one of my blogs here at... Our Ayllu Sacred Drum Project... i welcome you there... see ya soon...

with much light.......
weaver (((o)))

a prophecy...

2007-06-07T14:16:00.001-07:00

"When 8000 sacred drums play together,
an intense healing of Mother Earth will commence."
- 500 year-old Otomi Prophecy

And some others...

Inca... Call it the "Age of Meeting Ourselves Again".

Hopi... Predict a 25 year period of purification followed by End of Fourth World and beginning of the Fifth.

Mayan... Call it the "end days" or the end of time as we know it

Maori... Say that as the veils dissolve there will be a merging of the physical & spiritual worlds.

Zulu... Believe that the whole world will be turned upside down.

Hindu... Kali Yuga (end time of man). The Coming of Kalki & critical mass of Enlightened Ones.

Aztec... Call this the Time of the Sixth Sun. A time of transformation. Creation of new race.

Pueblo... Acknowledge it’ll be the emergence into the Fifth World

Cherokee... Their ancient calendar ends exactly at 2012 as does the Mayan calendar.

Tibetan... Kalachakra teachings are prophesies left by Buddha predicting Coming of the Golden Age.

Egypt... According to the Great Pyramid (stone calendar), present time cycle ends in year 2012 AD

Dogon... Say that the spaceship of the visitors, the Nommo, will return in the form of a blue star...

hmmmnnn... guess it's no accident that i chose today's post-picture of a blue star from the pleiades....

weaver (((o)))

a vision...

2007-05-13T21:23:00.004-07:00

a dream...
to drum with our earth mother...

to connect...
be in harmony
is all we seek...

calm balance...
fresh clarity...
to seek resonance, tone, timbre, pulse...

linking up
to be one, once again...
return to source in unity
together with our blessed earth mother...

she seeks us by always
helping us remember...
being there, a constant...
offering support and nurturance...

let's offer our love and hope
with clear, whole, sound...
re-connect with her deep heart-pulse...
her rhythm so constant
so strong...

rhythm gives us intent...
she keeps us going
melody is like thought...
be of like mind
harmony is emotion...

begin by giving back...
as one people
one heart, one song
side by side harmonizing...
with our body...
around her body
at one moment...
now!

© 1994 weaver

weaver (((o)))

an inconvenient truth....

2007-01-19T16:23:00.001-08:00

wow... i really can't believe the weather we've been having these last few months... i get that it's winter... but holy cow... the relentless storms, rain and snow have been certainly much more than usual and they seem to be getting worse and worse... especially this year... it's actually been kind of scary at times... sitting in our humble abode with the wind doing her thing outside full force... knocking out power lines and blowing over trees and things...

we've been pretty lucky and haven't had to deal with the many power outages that a lot of folk have... and our little home is still intact... not the same with friends of ours who are looking at replacing a roof this year and other major repairs...

but i can't help but wonder if pachamama... our blessed earth mother is just plain pissed in a major way... duh?... when are we ever going to get it?... and wake up to the fact that we're abusing her left, right and center....???

i read a couple months back that now that our polar caps are starting to melt from global warming that the money-grabbers and power-mongers now want to drill through what's left of the ice and search and pillage for yet more oil and gas... it seems the only focus is on how much money can be made and how big the profit...

It's funny... the other day i was at the video store wandering around looking for something to watch that evening with my partner... and noticed that Al Gore's documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" is now in video... unfortunately it was out but what was weird is that they only had 2 copies in the whole store... and placed on the very bottom of the shelf where you could hardly notice they were there... but they sure had numerous, endless wall-to-wall copies of violent, gory other stuff... which i can't even fathom wanting to ever watch...

i find it interesting to take note of what the "masses" are focused on... the videos tell all... just go have a look for yourself and notice what the norm is and what folk (and our children) are renting and watching... most of it is so-loud violence and in-your-face "terrorism" and fear... i can't help but wonder about that... doesn't universal law state that, "what you reap, you will sow?" or... "what you put out will return to you?"

boy... it's sure flinging right back at us, don't ya think?

it sure seems we don't want to know what's really happening on and around us even tho' the storms are raging... we just want to throw it away on the bottom shelf and hope it all goes away.... can't we see that our earth mother, our only mother is screaming at us to get it and maybe listen to her for a change? can't we see or hear that she is yearning for us to return to her ancient sacred way - to co-create together like we once did...? will we ever realize the only reason we are here is because of her?... we would not be here if it not for her.... and that maybe some "respect" and gratitude is due?

will we ever wake up... really see and listen? ...i sure hope so... cuz it's now or never...

weaver (((o)))

a divine grab...

2006-11-16T15:56:00.007-08:00

Every once in a while i recall a past incident or better yet... an experience... and i can't help but still wonder about it... in fact... i just can't quite figure it out... it's definitly one of those "shake your head" things...

it was probably more than a few years ago... i had been visiting a good friend for lunch and after, was just driving home... me and my little car were merrily motoring along on busy 12th street in the right lane nearing Clark Drive... on 12th there are 4 lanes of traffic that go along at quite a clip... 2 lanes going west and 2 lanes going east... and constant traffic all the time... it's one of those Vancouver streets that never stop it seems...

as i'm driving heading east something catches my attention out of the corner of my eye and to my left i happen to notice... right at the edge of the sidewalk is a tiny, little tabby kitten that is just about to step off the curb and onto the road and ultimately into the heavy traffic... i'll never forget it... the kitten was sooo small and about the same height as the curb... which meant if it stepped down, it's sure to take a tumble head-over-paws...

now... really... what was he or she thinking...? and to this day i still can't believe that i was seeing this as i was driving by... that split second moment where i happened to see it as i was going by so fast... it was weird... it was almost as if time slowed down a tad... just for me to witness this little event... it was terrifying... and so graphic...

and so as my brain finally computes what the outcome of this scenario could entail... instantly feeling so helpless, i immediately screamed right out loud, "STOP!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!"... after the outburst i was near Clark Street and i don't know if anything has happened as i'm driving... and sooo dreading a terrible thought...

right before the intersection at Clark... quickly i managed to switch into the left lane, abruptly turned left into a gas station and found a place to park... i jumped out of the car and raced down the sidewalk back to the scene expecting to peel what was left of the kitten off the pavement... i was sure of that...

when i get back to where i thought the kitten was on the north side of the block... i look everywhere out onto the 4 lanes of traffic and can't see a kitten or remnants anywhere... i look behind me... i look on either side of the sidewalk... nada... nothing... all there is... is traffic noisily racing to and fro in front of me... "wow?", i think to myself... that's one amazing kitten... i wonder how the heck it got out of that one? where did it go?

standing facing the traffic i'm absolutely perplexed... scratching my head... did i see what i saw? am i in the right place?... i walked up and down along the sidewalk checking again and again... still nothing...i'm sure it was here... i'm positive!

when i think about leaving to go back to my car... i hear a faint mewing cry a distance away... and i realize that the crying is coming from one of the houses behind me - somewhere... i turn around to where i think the mewing is coming from but can't see where... my eyes follow the desperate cries of help up and down and finally... on to a house balcony in front of me and there, pacing back and forth hysterically is a tabby kitten...

the same kitten??? No... it can't be???... i spin a 360 degree turn completely around to see if there is another kitten around on the ground... anywhere... there has to be... come on...

whaaat?...

how the **** did he get up there?... is this the same kitten...? it sure looks like it is...

as i'm standing on the sidewalk in absolute disbelief and shock... next, the kitten literally throws itself off the 20 or so foot balcony onto the lawn below and dashes towards me crying the whole way...

when he reaches me... i pick him up and gently cup him in my hands, hold him up to my eye level and just look at him completely dumbfounded... i can feel his little heart just-a-pounding and he won't stop stop mewing... and to boot... he's pooped himself... probably from all the trauma he's just endured... i promptly wipe him and my hands off together on the grass on the ground below...

wow... so now what?...

i stand there for quite some time holding him attempting to comfort him and settle him down... i really don't know what to do.......

i finally decide to knock on a few doors in the block to see if he belongs to anyone... after a few feeble attempts i give up... and head back to my car with kitty in hand... i again wipe him and me off with a rag and decide to take him to the closest SPCA i know about on Clark Drive... i realize i can't keep him as i already have 2 pets of my own... i had to do something... and couldn't just leave him there....

when i arrive at the SPCA... i hand him over to the folks there, tell the story of how i found him and they assure me that he'll be probably adopted within the next few hours because he's so little and cute... i reluctantly pass him over saying a quiet goodbye, give him a last pet and wish him luck... and the SPCA folk thanked me for bringing him in telling me how lucky that kitten was to have found me...

found me? ... i believe he definitely found me!

still shaking my head and a tad teary to let him go, i head for the bathroom to clean up and leave to finally go home... all that day i was left with a mixed feeling of bizaare wonderment and somewhat confused...

well... what do you think all that was?... coincidence?... or what?... to tell you the truth i'm really not sure... but i just can't help but think that somehow that i witnessed some kind of a divine grab of some sort...... and still wonder to this day how i was a part of all that... i may add to this one day if i receive more guidance on it... tho....

i welcome you thoughts and/or comments my friends......

blessing with always so much light and love,
weaver (((o)))

an honour to be a part...

2006-10-30T12:56:00.001-08:00

last night i participated in the annual Spiral Dance - Samhain public ritual organized by the local Wiccan community here in Vancouver… i think this was their 14th event… and i’ve been a part numerous times over the years… i go to drum usually and sometimes sing…and to celebrate the new year… and to honour my roots and ancestory… this year was special as i witnessed many new folk stepping up to help organize and participate… and to also see those folk who have done this important work for so many years in a row, sit back, hold space and support the new folk was a truly a testament of what true community is and can be…

Samhain (pronounced sow-en) is an old Irish Gaelic word for “new year”… and this holiday is known to many Pagan traditions…and happens on October 31st…

as we presently witness the beautiful colouring of all the trees in our midst fall… this is a time that brings the gifts of restoration and renewal, as the cold weather closes in… a time when our blessed earth mother sheds and prepares for her winter sleep…where our soul is led to more reflective depths… it is traditionally associated with the remembrance and honouring of our ancestors, with the coming of death and the conception of new life… in our own human growth cycle, Samhain corresponds to the period of old age when wisdom, freedom of spirit and clarity are experienced… it’s a good time to celebrate the lives of all wise elders… all of those whose actions and ideas have brought resolution and peace…

as in so many years past… and again last last night, this wonderful well-organized integral event brings many diverse like-minded folk out to peacefully celebrate together… to honour the sacred lands on which we sit and stand… to honour the sacred elements and directions… put out prayers for our blessed earth mother... to remember those who have passed and to warmly welcome those newly born this past year… it is so moving to hear the names of those both who have left and those have become… we also dance the spiral dance together as a community to put out our intention for the coming year… such a powerful moment to share together… and with such power and grace…

last night i was honoured to offer my gift of drumming to assist for the journey to meet our ancestors… to proudly stand in the middle of the large hall along side the woman who was guiding the meditation… to allow and offer the song and pulse of our blessed mother to come through "laughing wolf".... the powerful, qilaut wind drum of which i am it's humble caretaker... to assist all those present an opportunity to visit their beloved ancestors when the veil is the thinnest at this time of year… it was a very special moment… and i once again… thank you!

Happy New Year…!

weaver (((o)))

red ending...

2006-10-27T19:54:00.001-07:00

alignments... wow... sometimes stuff just aligns when you least expect it...

moments ago i was sitting here at my computer tonight attempting to write a poem and i suspect i was almost three quarters way through a first draft when the power went out... and was left sitting in a quiet blackness... just like that... no light.. no sound... nada...

well.. so much for that idea... the poem is now lost cuz i hadn't saved it... and not sure if it will ever come back... but that's okay... i think...

sitting blinded after a sigh and rolling my eyeballs i got up and groped for where i knew a lighter was and lit a candle that was nearby... then carefully went downstairs, lit some more candles, sat on the couch for a moment then decided to interact with a frame drum for a bit and then... the lights came back on as abruptly as they went out...

okay... ratzoid... i was kind of liking the black dark... as this doesn't happen often enough i don't think...

last week when i was still in Sorrento... on the last day of our north workshop weekend... we were back at our dear friend's lake-front home getting the rest of our stuff packed up to begin our journey home... i knew i had some work left to do at the lake...

and so... after loading the last bags and stuff into the car... off i headed down to the beach with my mesa under my arm while quickly zipping up my coat... this day was chilly windy and the water on the lake choppy with waves... when i set foot on the rocky little dock i had to be mindful of my balance... i knelt down on one knee and quickly opened my mesa... corner by corner and chose two beloved stones... one known and the other what seems to be a becoming... i've yet to know... seems to be singing some song about a particular mountain i think... at least that what it seems to sound like...

one stone was red and the other is white...

standing, i take the two stones together cupped in my chilled hands and blow the breath of my life into the red one that's on top of white one through each other.... then some tears want to come... i pause for a moment and look up and out to the lady of the lake... i witness her breathing and the ryhthm of her waves surrounding me... moving me up and down on the floating dock i stand on...

about 6 feet out in the water, i notice three fish swimming together very slowly with their top fins poking out of the water... they seem to be salmon... i've never seen salmon here before! ...wow... when i look closer... they are all a bright blood pinky-red and i then realize it's the time of the salmon run and i guess they have finally come home... coming home to spawn... and die...

i didn't notice before but now realize behind me on the beach that many have already come home and many are lying dead everywhere... bloated white with the waves beating over them... some are buried partly in the sand and some are still red having died probably only a short time before... or are still dying... wow... this is wild... i wasn't expecting this scene...

i bring myself back and return to the two stones i hold in my wet, cold hands and blow again.... and again... i blow it all through and let some tears come this time... i'm not really sure why the tears have come... but i get a sense that maybe yet again... i've said goodbye to another pacha in my life... something has definitely died in me and i now welcome the new... and i really don't know... the what... where... how... or when... or?...

together... me and the lake... we take a deep, deep breath... lovingly holding the beloved red stone, kneeling back down, i gently kiss it... whisper my goodbye... give my thanks and send it to a home into the lake where i was told to do so... after it falls into the water i also say goodbye to the three fire red salmon who slowly swim away knowing that soon they will die too...

standing back up... i close my damp eyes, swallow the lump in my throat and listen to a song of the wind in my hair...

weaver (((o)))

mountain moving daze...

2006-10-25T21:11:00.002-07:00

calling the blessed apukuna (mountain spirits) has got to stir up something i would think…

and call and call is what i did… over and over in such a way as to attempt to record a song that honours the mighty mountain spirits… an Inkan chant that hails from somewhere in deepest, darkest Peru (and i’m still trying to find out where exactly)…

last week’s recording wasn’t easy and probably was one of the hardest sessions in a studio that i’ve experienced, i think… after about an hour of struggle, it was clear the mountains wanted their way with their song… cuz whatever i had planned and preconceived certainly wasn’t working that’s for sure… and to top it all off… earlier that day in the wee hours, i received a very strong message that my mesa also wanted to be included in the recording too… which later proved to be an interesting moment when i mentioned that request to the engineer… and i feel lucky that he happens to be a wonderful, caring guy…

and best of all... i think i finally have my own "rock group!"... hip! hip!

anyway… i got as much done as i could get done in about 2 short hours… not a lot of time but what was available and did the best i could do… i took the unfinished 50 minute extended chant off to the north direction medicine wheel in Sorrento last weekend… to offer it to be a part of the ceremony of rites that would happen on the Sunday morning… feeling kind of amazed that i had actually created anything at all with how it all went...

all weekend during the wheel i felt strange… even tho’ i had had a couple of good sleeps, i felt extremely tired and drawn out most of the time… and it seemed that i was having difficulty with my vision… like i was in a fog of some sort… at one point i even tranced out while playing a rattle for an perceptual states' exercise... having completely lost it and went somewhere i have no idea where... the teacher noted that she was surprized as to how out of it i was, rattling all over the place when i'm usually more "on it"...

on Saturday night my friend and i were walking down the dark trail to the beach to participate in sacred fire… slowly we made our way down and along the field towards the beach… i was following close right behind my friend who was lighting our way with her flashlight… we had just crossed the road and were about to enter through the gate when all of a sudden i blindly hit a huge (1 x 2 x 3.5 foot) rock... tumbling right over it and landed real hard on my hands in front of me… my toque and drum bag had flown off in opposite directions and i was lying face down on my stomach in the cold, wet grass with my feet still up, perched along side of the stone… i thanked great spirit for wet, cold grass…

my friend couldn't believe what had happened and came rushing back to help me... i seemed to be okay except for feeling a bit shocked, shook up and a tad sore on my knees, hands and arms… and astounded that i had fallen so abruptly…

why me?… it was strange that my friend had totally missed the rock, bypassing it and hadn't even seen the rock right beside her…when i had been so close right behind her the whole way… i can’t help but wonder that maybe the rock... hit me???

weird…

what was really interesting is that the next morning when i expected to feel sore and out of whack… i actually felt better than i had all weekend… my head was clearer… my sight was clearer and i wasn’t sore at all…

weird…

and so… all i can say is… calling the blessed apukuna has certainly stirred me up and knocked me flat… and…

well… more on this later, i think…

weaver (((o)))

a filled heart... with new eyes...

2006-10-17T14:25:00.001-07:00

geesh... i am of no words really... but i have been deeply moved today...

just came home from spending a bit of time over coffee with a dear friend... and once again i come home with my heart sooo full... this always seems to happen when we meet... and i feel so blessed...

much of our conversation is just simply about how we both "see" our world... and sometimes... we happen to share similarities or shared insights about both being creative souls in this what seems to be such a crazy, mixed up world... many times i come away from our meetings with new eyes... and a sense of renewness... and often an awakening... and an awakening happened in my heart today, for sure... and more than once...

i thank you my friend... for your friendship and your "eyes"... that bring so much light to this world... i am honoured to know you...

and to also know deeply... that i am not alone... thank you!

weaver (((o)))

"peace" of the mountain...

2006-10-12T11:55:00.001-07:00

this week i've been feeling particularly scattered and finding it hard to focus on just one thing... one hunch is that it's probably becuz i have way too many interests... where... i seem to be wanting to devote my time to all of them at once... but i know that's not physically possible either... and that's where i get into trouble sometimes - too much at once... and i can find myself unfocused and bumbling about...

i haven't been sleeping real great either... a couple of nights this past week i've laid awake for hours and hours... where my head won't stop swirling with the many thoughts and ideas of possibility... i wondered if it was maybe a new medication i'm trying for my ongoing pain... but i think sometimes it's also just those same-old worries that keep popping up... frittering realizations of all the "stuff" that i didn't get done that previous day... or what else is needing done tomorrow...

at this time i have a lot "on the go" and work that needs to get done... but really, what else is new?... i tend to be quite busy most of the time with lots going on anyway... maybe i'm just avoiding the "work" part... or just feeling overwhelmed with just how much i want to get done... back being my "own boss" again is wonderful where i can set my own hours and work when i want... but then, at other times it can get pretty crazy with too many hours all at once.. and i have to diligently watch that cuz of my health of late... i do attempt to make lists and prioritize what needs to be done first and whatnot... so... i think i do pretty good with getting "it all done"... most of the time...

but also... maybe really... it's because i'm going to be recording some music this week too... this saturday i go into the studio to record a particular song that honours the great mountain spirits of our blessed earth mother... whoa... wait a minute... when i wrap my head around that one... or attempt to... i can understand maybe why i could be feeling a tad rattled... cuz when i "think" about it for a moment... or two... mountains are kind of, well... very much "there"... and a pretty big, awesome magnificant presence... a "big" part of the medicine practice i'm a part of...

duh...

this is a song that hails from somewhere in Peru... a chant that is not an easy one to play or sing... i find to actually play this song requires much focus and laser-attention... awhile back i was once asked to play this long chant in a ceremony and while attempting to do so... all the while through it, thinking i was doing the worst job one could ever do... i was sweatin' bricks... until after the ceremony when i was quite relieved it was finally over... i received from others, praise and gratitude that it was the best rendition that they had ever heard... still sweating... i couldn't quite believe my own ears... wow... that surprized me cuz i had found it so hard... and relentlessly arduous... and i kind of hoped i would never have to ever play that song live again - and one of the reasons why i wanted to record it...

and so... these past few days, i've been preparing to once again do justice to this song of honour... to the best of my ability... i've been going over the lyrics and learning the many mountain names and working out an arrangement for drums and percussion... along side that, i've been doing a lot of prayer and meditation too... asking for help and assistance and also... permission from the moutain spirits themselves - to be of service to them... and as a result of all that - realizing the real reasons why i'm really doing this... (yet again... i receive another "bonk" on me head by the disney gorrilla shaman, rafiki!)...

so... we'll see how it all turns out and any more response, if any... i remain open... and humbly listen for spirit's call... and... i received a simple gift... yesterday, a remembrance of a little poem that i once wrote back in high school days revealed itself... which lovingly reminded me about a knowingness of what the "peace" of the mountain can be in this moment, right here and now... and so... i thank the apu (mountain) spirits for waking me up to that once again... cuz, really... this is so not about the "me" at all... what-so-ever... is it?

poem...

kneel down with the grasses before you
and listen for the wind's whisper...

allow the mountain to surround you
and sing with the heavens above!

© 1974 • weaver (((o)))

stuff that means something...

2006-10-06T12:36:00.001-07:00

it was interesting... last night my partner and i attended a long-time dear friend's 65th birthday celebration... and i was asked to bring my guitar... my friend was really hoping i would play for her and her friends... i, of course said i would... and when i said yes... an immediate feeling comes up where i feel that i just don't want to and am very reluctant... and then i wonder why i feel this way as i also know that sharing my music would be a wonderful gift for my friend...

this often happens when i'm invited to play at small gatherings like this... first, i think it's my immense shyness that pops up and then i also know from my experience that "parties" aren't usually the funnest place to play... mostly becuz i don't play songs or the party tunes that people know and don't play alot of the "upbeat" stuff that folk usually shout out to request either... and i really don't know how the evening is going to go once the alcohol starts to flow and folk get into talking loudly, visiting and basically not listening...

i know why i don't play in lounges and bars anymore... i won't compete with the relentless noise, wide-screen tv's and the dishonouring of who i am as a musician... i'm really an old "folkie" from way back... and that's what i do... i play stuff that means something and i hope has some heart...

but as reluctant as i was, i packed up my guitar, my songbook and tucked a pick into my pocket anyway and off we went to the party...

and it was a wonderful, warm-filled evening... we had a wonderful meal and i had a good catch-up with a friend i hadn't seen in a long while and then... after dinner a couple of folk shared their upbeat show tunes and fun stuff... where my friend even got up and sang one of her favourite songs... and after cake, i was invited to share my music which was very warmly received... and i was honoured that i got to play some stuff that meant something... a gift of heart for my dear friend's birthday...

weaver (((o)))

a milestone...

2006-09-29T16:34:00.002-07:00

well... last night was pretty special...

most of the family clan gathered last night to celebrate my dad's 80th birthday... wow... it's hard to believe and pretty wonderful...

it was so great to see my dad really enjoying the evening with all of us... and it was really quite a rare event to have all his kids together in one place for a change... and i'm so glad it actually happened...

sooo... here's to you Dad... it was wonderful to celebrate with you and know you're one wonderful human being and one grreat Dad... i love you! Happy Birthday to YOU!

weaver (((o)))

a power from you...

2006-09-28T15:48:00.001-07:00

song...

a power from you...

a friend of mine came to tell me one day
how she had met someone in a neat kind of way
so she told me that you had a way with a song
and that i'd probably feel in a way
that i'd... belong...

so it came to be another fine day
how i came to meet you in another kind of way
i thought to myself how i felt... good with your song
it was so good to know and feel...
that i... belonged...

... i'll never understand to this day why
when i heard you sing your soul
how i came to fly

...away some where
lost in a sigh
beyond myself...
way down...
inside...

and that presence is still with you here today
and it's there with you now in a warm kind of way
i can feel it now as i sing my own song
i can feel your soul right now
it's there to... be...

... i'll never understand to this day why
when i heard you sing your soul
i came to fly

...away some where
lost in a sigh
beyond myself...
way down...

...away some where
lost in a sigh
beyond myself...
way down...

inside...

© weaver - date unknown • SOCAN

the rhythm garage…

2006-09-27T14:40:00.001-07:00

this past month my little car has been getting sick more than once… and it seems these situations can sometimes happen in what's called “3’s”… at least in this story it did…

a few weeks ago, i was going to be driving my car up to the Kamloops area for some work i was doing up there and before the trip, thought i should take my car into the mechanic for a tune-up and check for the long drive… my mechanic was impressed and reported back to me that the car was in good shape for an ’86, except for badly needing new tires… and sent me on my way… the trip went well and without any problems… i was pleased…

however… about a week after getting back… one day when i started the car up to go run some errands, i heard a weird “chunk” sound come from the rear… i thought that maybe something inside the car had shifted or something and initially didn’t think much of it…

well… the next day, i was off to an event and got about a third of the way when all of a sudden, and out of the blue the brakes seized up and abruptly stopped the car with a skid and loud squeeling… whoa!… this is weird… and a tad un-nerving... i attempted to pull the car over to the side out of traffic with quite a bit of difficulty… this happened a couple more times... but i did manage to get her home finally… the next day i had my car towed to the mechanic with the diagnosis that a brake “shoe” on the back left side had fallen off…

what?… i've never heard of a brake “shoe” falling off… hmmn - that’s interesting… (let's not go there)...

so… that little trip back to the garage getting a new “shoe” and new rear brakes... plus the first check-up was starting to add up… i was hoping that this would be it for a while… my mechanic mentioned that he was pretty surprised to see me back again so quick…

then yesterday, the next day after getting my car back… i was out and about with a friend visiting from out of town and at one point during our trip, the car had a bit of trouble starting up… initially we thought maybe i had accidently flooded the gas line because we could smell strong gasoline fumes… tho' letting it sit for a bit and after a few tries we did get going again and on our way… we had just got off the 2nd Narrows Bridge when the car stalled and we had to pull over and stop…

grrreaaat!… not again!... i couldn't believe it...

here we were... stranded on the side of a busy street… thinking it was maybe flooded again… we tried and tried to get her started to no avail… after a while i suggested that my friend give it a try and sure enough she managed to get her going and we headed over to the garage to get her looked at… barely making it… my friend was sure it had something to do with the carborator – whatever that is… i think my mechanic was pretty surprised to see me again the next day...

fortunately, it ended up being a simple repair where it did end up being the carborator thing… it seemed to be clogged with something unknown and my mechanic simply cleared it using a spray can of something-or-other, then reved up the engine a number of times until she farted some blue and black smoke... shortly after she then started to run smoothly again… i was quite relieved… no charge this time... and yahoo for that... i also thank the great spirit for good mechanics...

but i have to say… a wonderful thing happened the short time we were there… at one point another mechanic from inside the garage started up some kind of machine that sent out a loud, metallic ongoing "rat-a-tat-tat" drumming and it echoed out into the sunshine where we were standing… i excitedly clapped and stomped along... happily enjoying a moment with the splendid "rhythm garage"… it was pretty cool...

and... i do hope that this is the end of my back and forth visits to my mechanic for the time being… and i'm sure he would agree...

weaver (((o)))

a drum gently weeps...

2006-09-24T15:49:00.001-07:00

hmmmnnn... one particular drum that i am honoured to caretake is placed on a wall reverently covered and protected with a beautiful cloth... i choose to place her on a wall so that she will be protected and taken care of... i think i have to find a new place with which to better access this beautiful, powerful drum... where i placed her is difficult to get at logistically... she seems to be very alone there on the wall... constantly calling me... beckoning me... i think maybe she's crying... crying for me to just connect... to interact... to engage... to commune...

the last couple of weeks have been a challenge... i've been feeling physically pretty pooped... and not well... the end of a wonderful, fruitful summer was pretty busy for me... i organized and performed in a concert with a friend of mine and have been working hard at other projects and events... they all went really well and couldn't have happened without the wonderfully supportive, caring and warm interactions with loving people... i feel so blessed in so many ways... and i have much gratitude for that...

since a diagnosis of a particular syndrome last april... which was finally the "aha" of what the heck has been nagging at me for quite some time... i think a number of years... a name to which can truly explain the relentless daily pain i experience... something of which i thought was just something one had to "live with"... and that was just the way it was... someone very close to me one day, flatly said to me... "you know... you really shouldn't have to deal with that much pain every day... can i make a suggestion that you get a second opinion - this is just not normal." ...i thought "this" was normal...

and so.. about a year or so after that suggestion.. i finally checked out another doctor and got a second opinion... which led to the "diagnosis"... i saw this as a bit of a "wake-up" call to maybe look at my life and change some things... one of which was leaving a job that i had kept for 8 years...

i'll never forget it.. i remember 8 years ago when i got that job, and it was a great job with great hours, unionized, great benefits... all the great stuff... on that first day the moment i sat in that fancy big office chair... something wrenched deep inside my gut that told me... you know... i'm not sure that this is really the right place for me... and it wasn't, that's for sure... i spent the next 8 years feeling pretty much "invisible" in this workplace... never quite feeling that i belonged... i liked and enjoyed most of the staff in this place all right, had some fun and didn't mind the work... but it just never felt right... i do know that i did a good job to the best of my ability... and offered alot of my talents and skills and worked hard...

maybe too hard... and i also worked and worked without much appreciation back for the amount of work i did do... i guess what was the most telling with knowing that i didn't belong was... whenever i attempted to share who i really was and what i really loved doing was mostly ignored or discarded - literally... i know i've made the right choice to leave and i can live with that... i'm now sleeping better, that's for sure... and now i find my own way to do what i love to do... by honouring, being and becoming the artist and musician that i truly am...

hmmmnnn... so, now what? ... as it seems... i still "live with" the daily, ongoing pain... i've tried different pain medications but it seems my body just can't tolerate the crazy side effects that go with them... my doctor tells me that i should just learn to put up with the side effects because the relief i "might" feel could out-weigh the terrible side effects... you know... i tried that and that just doesn't work for me...

some tell me that i must now find a new way to "pace myself"... to change the way i'm so engrained with how i do things... hmmmnnn... that doesn't seem to be an easy way for me either cuz i am who i am... but i am trying... and i'm looking for options... and some have come my way... and i'm doing better and better... getting better of taking care of me for a change... listening to my body more and to stop ignoring who i am...

and so... as i sit in my own office chair and write this... i hear the beautiful drum calling and inviting me to come cry with her for a change... together... instead of alone...

i think it's time eh?

weaver (((o)))

silent spiral dancer...

2006-09-05T12:55:00.001-07:00

dream…

scene… again, i’m assisting at another medicine wheel or similar gathering… and outside for some reason i’m not sure why… a group of us and the teacher and i have been conversing together but i can’t make out what is being said…

scene changes… i still seem to be outside but this time, on my own… off in the distance to my right i notice movement of a small flock of birds, probably crows or ravens milling about low in the air, near a field… some are landing on the line of fence posts and some on the ground… perched on one of the posts is a bird that doesn’t look the same as the others… it seems much bigger, much heavier than the other birds… and just doesn’t fit in with the flock… from the distance, i can’t make out what kind of bird it would be… this is definitely something i haven’t seen before…

this strange bird now takes flight from its rest and flies around in a half semi-circle and lands on another fence post a little closer in front of me… while watching it fly… with its weird size and shape, technically it doesn’t seem like it should be able to fly at all.. but it does… it almost looks like a puffin? what would a puffin be doing in these parts?

next scene… the strange bird has now landed on the ground next to me… it’s very large and seems like it could be some kind of stout eagle but it’s not… its feathers are in multi-coloured textures of brown and specs of white… i finally make out that it is a grouse! as i realize this, it begins to walk or almost step-dance in a clockwise tight circle… round and round it moves about three times… then stops facing away from me and spreads its beautiful wings out as far as they can go… it holds this pose for a moment as its wings quiver… then lifts its head back and up… and unexpectedly falls beak-down onto the ground and lays there motionless… as if it has dropped dead… its wings still outstretched…

i nervously bend down to touch it, to see if it is actually dead but quickly recognize that it is not – it is still very much alive, but maintains the prayer-like posture face down on the ground… i become aware that it has shed many of its beautiful feathers, almost like a gift and they are loosely scattered all over the ground around and under it as it still lays there… then…

the scene turns, changes and morphs very quickly counter-clockwise where i now seem to be either underneath or partly in the ground very closely near the grouse on my right…. who is now back on its feet towering over me with great dignity and reverence… the dancer faces me and speaks to me a message…

i wake up…

and, i can’t remember a word that was spoken to me what-so-ever….

.............................................
note:.. i learned later when i told the "teacher" in this dream who is also a dear friend... that when i shared this dream with her... she told me that she had an actual grouse show up outside her kitchen window a day after i had this dream... now, who was visiting who eh?...

weaver (((o)))

awakened with purple...

2006-08-17T13:34:00.001-07:00

poem...

awakened with purple...

crystals carried...
mindfully left behind with
ceke-lined mountain spirit...
rumbles of deep sounds
from within the mother...
lying
on my back
letting go... letting go....
it's okay... just let go...
spirals of feathered wands and stones...
drumming my center
out and in again
'round and 'round we go...
and again and again...
purple-flamed fires
there... reflect
our beautiful ayllu...
standing up... standing ready...
within all their glory... power full
eyes shining bright...
faces so star-aware...
reclaiming who we truly are....
mother earth,
her children
remembering...
we love.

© 15/08/06 weaver

the gift...

2006-06-01T12:52:00.001-07:00

poem…

the gift...

within revered circle…
a gift that was given to
someone else
or what seemed to be intended
as a gift for someone else
was instead…

given to me…

at these blessed gatherings,
gifts are often given
to the teacher or shaman
as a token of appreciation and gratitude
for the learnings and gifts
that have been received…

this gift to me
from the place
of the three rivers
was promptly
bestowed into my two
exposed ready hands…
and weight at once
summons up
the blessed earth mother…
grounding me deep…

was a
smooth,
oval stone…

direct recognition
of maybe.. just maybe
i’ve known you before?…

i do belive so
as…

a rising and falling
devoted force
transports me to places
not yet known or
maybe i’ve let go…
without being seen…

Shashen!… could that be you?
are you calling out to me…
yet again…?

i bid to journey
downward to
the mother’s core
to at last meet you
face to face
at your crystal-domed gate
to accept…
to comprehend
our enduring
discourse…
at last…
hand-to-hand…

the time
is undoubtedly now…

as i look
within you… silver stone…
who is filled with the
thousands of stars…
you shine me…
as i fall into your cosmos
of unending
unendings…

i can hear
your singing
and the singing…

of the stars…

-- © 01/06/06 weaver

drum buddy...

2006-03-17T15:11:00.001-08:00

journey...

drum buddy...

it has been revealed to me
that there is a being
who resides in the lower world...
in a darkly cave...
abundantly covered
with thousands of
shiny crystals of light...

his or her name
i believe...
is shashen....
an androgynous being
neither male or female...
maybe both...

shashen
is a gatekeeper...

the transmitter
of the frequency
of the earth's pulse...
to the middle world...

shashen transmits
this 'pulse'
through his or her
own heart...

shashen has
to listen very carefully
and in a new way
to accomplish
this...

and so do i...

weaver (((o)))

hawk eyes...

2005-11-17T15:05:00.001-08:00

dream…

i had one of those wild, powerful dreams early this morning...
just before i woke up…

Scene… I’m assisting and sharing music at a medicine wheel gathering up in the Kamloops area of BC, but not the usual place… this time, it’s different… as the group is gathering to start the weekend, the teacher and i step out of the meeting room and onto a wooden deck off the main room to discuss the agenda and what music i could share for the day…

The scene quickly changes and we’re continuing the conversation as we stand in the middle of a small orchard… the tall, dry grass is almost up to our knees and waist…and there are many small fruit trees scattered about… suddenly, with no warning or sound, and out of nowhere… what we catch a glimpse of…what seems to be a very large red-tailed hawk… it literally falls out of the sky and lands hard and loudly with a “frrrwump!” on the ground about 8-10 feet from us…

i remembered noticing that the hawk was larger than it should be… as big, if not bigger than a mature eagle... i remembered it's distinct tail feathers and colouring... we were sure it was dead by how hard it hit the ground...

The teacher suggested that i go over to check and see… that just maybe it might be alive… and so off i ran out into the long grasses... i couldn't seem to find it… anywhere near where we thought it had landed... it wasn’t there…

i looked all over a large area between the fruit trees… what i did find on the dense grassed ground, was a very small, baby flicker woodpecker... i picked it up, holding it in both cupped hands and noticed that it's wings had been slightly clipped... it was really pissed off that i had picked it up.. it quickly jumped out of my hands back onto the ground and started running away… and i would repeatedly catch it, pick it back up and hold it in my hands... we played this fruitless game a number of times… as it continued to be very annoyed with me… my justification was my concern to help as i knew it couldn't fly...

Scene suddenly changes again…. the teacher and i are both back near the meeting building… being both aware that we needed to get back to the group... we walk up a few stairs back to the deck, when i notice out of the corner of my eye, and to my right is again the huge red-tailed hawk... it has reappeared under the deck and upside down on its back with both wings completely spread open... my first thought was that it’s dead but as i cautiously walked over closer to get a better look... i could tell that the large hawk was breathing… as its wings gently rose and fell with a rhythm – upside down…

as i get closer and closer, the hawk quickly realizes that it's being observed by me... it elegantly turns and rights itself back onto it’s sharp-taloned feet… turning its head, staring at me with it's magnificant, intense yellow eyes whose light seems to laser right through my being...

and then… i wake up....

...weaver (((o)))

baby drums...

2005-09-08T13:26:00.001-07:00

dream...

this morning very early... i had a strange dream about many little drums...

i don't really remember much more about them or more of the dream... but i remember waking from the dream with the image of many, many little drums... small, little, tiny frame drums... so tiny that when i attempted to play them... i could only use my thumb and forefinger... and there were so many of them... everywhere...

it was kind of cool but... strange... very strange...

weaver (((o)))

a last minute idol...

2005-08-29T15:35:00.001-07:00

The other day i got invited to fill in for someone who bowed out at the last minute... to play at a fundraiser event for a sister who is dealing with the big "C"... cancer... so, without hesitation, i said yes...

So, this past Saturday evening, seven musicians and i gathered at the W.I.S.E. Club here in Vancouver at 5:30 pm to do our sound check and get ready for the evening's performance... the organizers of the event had planned this as a fund-raiser for their friend... to raise funds for her high medical bills and help her out... What a wonderful thing to do and i was honoured to be a part of it... even though i didn't even know this woman...

The evening was organized like the Canadian Idol TV show... hence the reason they needed 8 musicians... an even number... Four of us were picked to play the first round and then the audience would vote by paying a dollar-a-vote and the most-voted 2 would move on to a final round... the same would happen with the next four... pick two and they would move on to the last round as well for another final group of 4... from there they would vote for an overall winner... They also had a panel of 5 judges lined up as well... the ticket to get into the night's event was 20 bucks...

At the time i said yes.. i didn't think much of the "format" of the show... thinking it was an easy gig... to play one, maybe two tunes to a friendly audience, help out a sister, get an opportunity to play and go home... however... for the day and half i had to decide on what to play for this event... i agonized about what to play and couldn't decide what ... i certainly knew i didn't want to get into the "competition" so to speak cuz i'm not the competitive type... but i couldn't help but wonder that there could be that slight possibility that i could maybe... win... ???

Naaah... probably not... and so... what to play?... do i play something i wrote or do i do something campy or funny like a cover tune and wow them away... knowing full well that more than likely, the woman who would win will probably go all out and camp it out and get the audience on their feet cheering... and then after thinking all this... i started to get a little nervous about it all... cuz i really don't like competition at all... and so, why was i doing this, really?...

i was doing this because my friend had asked me to and the main focus of the event was to help out a sister in my community... great. ...got that clear... so, i decided pretty much at the last minute to do my own songs... i saw it as an opportunity to play my own stuff and see what kind of feedback i would get... also... i really like playing my own songs better anyway... i picked two of my own, just in case i got voted on to the last group... you never know... right?

well.. that evening was certainly interesting... my friend who is a very talented, wonderful singer-songwriter (and guitar player) was up first in the first group.. and she played and sang really well.. got a great cheering applause and had many nice comments from the judges... next, was a woman who got up and sang to a cover song with an over-produced CD for backup... the crowd loved it...! i was right... the crowd is definitely going to go for this instead of the half of us who are singer-songwriter/instrumentalists... and sure enough that's how the evening went... only one of the singer-songwriters moved to the final round... i think because, at the last minute she chose a song about "being naked" that she wrote instead of the one she did at the sound-check earlier... and of course wowed the crowd and moved on...

i was up first in the second round and did my own composition on a little dulcitar guitar and sang "a mother's cry"... a moving, somewhat haunting song about the 3 mothers in my life... my birth mom, my adopted mom and our blessed earth mother...about half way through it, i could hear a lot women in the back talking loudly through it until someone finally "shhhh'ed" them and then it got real quiet as i sang the rest of my song... i got a pretty good applause and nice comments from the judges like my friend... got off stage and was quite glad that my part was over... i didn't move ahead.

however, during the breaks.. a few women came up to me and thanked me for the song i did and told me how much they enjoyed it... one asked if i had a CD and another asked if i was playing around town and hoped that she could hear me again... that felt good and it seemed i acomplished what i came to do... and had helped out my sister at the same time... and that sure felt real good.

the woman who won had dressed up in a long low-cut evening dress and gloves with high heels including lots of makeup and sang her guts out to "fever" (with CD backup) and had everyone, including me on their feet cheering for more... she was awesome and she was the nights winning idol... and we raised over $1200 for our sister... and had one heck of alot of fun at the same time...

and me?... i guess in my own way, i was a last minute idol... for a few minutes anyway....

weaver (((o)))

cry of the drummer...

2005-07-11T18:55:00.001-07:00

Lately... i've been too busy again...
and so what else is new eh?...

Last Saturday i was attempting to sleep in a tad... to get caught up on some much-needed rest... and while i was lying about in and out of consciousness with the sheets pulled up over my head... i became aware that i could hear the cry of a bird outside... and it seemed to sound like the cry of flicker... (a woodpecker)...

This was no simple cry... or call... and as i lay there listening... the flicker kept calling and crying over and over and over... after listening to this for about 10 minutes or so... i finally dragged myself out of bed to go have a look to see what was going on...

When i got to the window and looked out... there he or she was... about 20 feet away in the yard, perched precariously on the top of a fir tree... still wailing away... it seemed he or she was yakking at me for some reason... i looked around to see if it was upset for some other reason... but there seemed to be no reason... the flicker just kept on crying and crying...

i love flickers and have a fond connection to them.... when i'm out walking in the forest... i love it when i sometimes hear the flickers or woodpeckers peck on an old, broken dead tree... it fascinates me how their fast drumming can radiate and echo for a long time... In the medicine/spiritual way as a totem... one aspect of the flicker is known to be "the drummer"... so, i can certainly relate to the flicker because i'm a drummer too... sometimes it seems that flickers will show up in my life to tell or show me something... usually when i least expect it...

like one time a couple of years ago... when i was honoured to become the caretaker of a very special drum... a 27 inch Kilaut frame drum that was built for me by a master drum-builder from the eastern United States.... for some reason i'm not sure why i became very called to this particular drum... when i was first becoming acquainted with this drum, i was dealing with many feelings about feeling worthy to be a carrier of this drum... maybe i was also feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for this drum... as this special drum held much power and healing in some way... that was for sure... i can't tell you how i felt when that drum first "played" me...

well... one day as i was going for a walk with my dog and my partner during that time... i was expressing some of those feelings to her... and as i had just finished expressing my thoughts of unworthiness and doubt... we suddenly heard a loud screech response high above us... as we turned back to look where this scream had come.... there, sitting on the tip of the tallest tree in the parking lot was a flicker... confidently swaying back and forth... staring at us... i swear almost laughing at me.... my partner said to me with a smirk... "well, carol don't you think that's your answer?"...

So... what was the message this time...? i'm not sure... as i went out on the porch to get a better look... i sat down on the chair to witness this event with even more curiousity... the flicker took flight and started to fly towards me in a wide circle and made it's way back to the same tree... it perched again and then did this flying dance a couple times more... and while he/she was flying, made this interesting warbling sound... when she/he got back to the tree and landed... continued to cry and call as usual...

i also noticed that off to the right, a little further away... were two more flickers... silently perched near each other on the tops of trees as well... like they were holding space or being a witness to the one crying and continuing to call... eventually, the flicker finally stopped crying and suddenly flew away... in the silence, i continued to sit in the chair and wonder... and also felt honoured by my being witness to a wonder of nature... was this event just a coincidence or really meant for me?

i'm still not really sure... maybe it was yet another message or an affirmation for me to know that i truly am worthy... that i am a human being on this vast earth with worth... like all human beings... maybe it was a reflection of how i've been feeling these past few months... a reflection of my own crying inside of all that i've lost and grieved... maybe i just didn't get the message at all...? Maybe it'll come to me another time? Maybe never....

or... maybe it was a message for me just get my butt out of bed and get on with it...

maybe?

weaver (((o)))

to lovingly hold space...

2005-07-09T21:48:00.001-07:00

i was sent home with homework yet again from the 7th fire a number of months ago…

however, my life this past year has been like a pachacuti... and has been literally turned upside down… my relationship of almost 8 years rapidly dissolved right before my eyes…and went in a direction that i couldn't seem to steer in any way… it seems for most of those years, i’ve tried my darndest to do what some might call, “make the best of it” and be the best i can be… i strive to grow as any human could or can… and with courage to honour my spiritual path… questing for answers that continually nag at me… i also can’t ignore the stirrings that rise within me… i have to listen to my gut… and somehow find my own true way… how can i not listen to my inner being and be who i truly am?

why is it that it has to be sooo hard to share that with someone who is not on the same path?… why is it that i am continually judged for being on this path? why is it that i always feel like i’m the one who is giving support in many ways… i gave up long ago the invitations to someone important to me to share a path that helped me so much in my growth... and now to have come to a place of realization that i must honour this person's own path whenever… i have to admit that i sometimes get jealous that other partnerships can share a similar path… but i guess that this is not to happen for me, and i do my best to honour that…

and… so… i continue to respect my path as best as i can… and i exercise my daily homework… i open my mesa, the mirror of my becoming - my healed state… and oh, how i yearn for that healed state… especially now… during this emotional roller-coaster pacha of time… and so… through some beloved stones i consciously feed and care for them within the swirling hurricane that is presently going on in my life… this is not an easy path… it seems no matter what i say or do… i don’t get heard or seen in the way i have truly intended… when i feel i have intended with as much a loving way that i can… where has all this rage and disdain hurling towards me come from?... what happened to the communication?... it’s crazy making to say the least… but i keep ducking the relentless sticks and stones... refusing to be continually abused...

as i sit in mindful contemplation with my altar of beloved… i am unexpectedly taken way back to a time of my childhood… to an age of about 11 or 12… i’m smack-back at summer camp on Vancouver Island at good ol' camp Moorecroft… a wonderous place full of fond, fond memories…a place that offered me respite from the shouting times of my childhood... it’s evening and everyone is at campfire time inside the big meeting hall… the fire is roaring and there is a girl a little younger than me sitting hesitantly on the edge of the front stage with her head down looking at the floor…

this night, small groups and individuals are sharing skits, stories and songs with the whole group… i have already shared my contribution… and there sits this little girl on the stage… in great fear… she wants to share but keeps fleeing the stage because of being so shy and afraid… the whole group keeps cheering her back to the stage as she repeatedly attempts to go back to her seat, giving up…

after about three times of her doing her back and forth dance… i am compelled to go up and and just sit beside her to lend some support to do her thing… and as i sit there beside her and the room goes quiet... she finally musters the courage to share and after, everyone is on their feet cheering and applauding her… she is so thrilled and oh, so proud…

the next day… the camp nurse came up to me to say that what i did to support that girl was one of the most loving things she had ever seen a kid do and then thanked and congratulated me for it…

i'm now transported right back to now with my mesa and the 13 churning loving khuyas embracing me with their light as they always do… and an overwhelming realization comes over me as to maybe why... one reason (and of many) that being part of and in this relationship for so many years… was maybe... just maybe... that i was to lovingly “hold space” for someone else yet once again... to support them to get to what they love and do… and they did get to do what they loved... big-time!... and... i am honoured to have been a part of that...

and so... an irony... a life-time dream project was finally manifested and arrived a finished product that very same day that we separated and parted ways...

weaver (((o)))

tonight i like the rain...

2005-07-06T10:07:00.004-07:00

poem...

tonight i like the rain...

tonight i like the rain…
and usually
i don’t
mostly because
sometimes it can pour and pour and pour
here

but tonight i like the rain...
maybe because i like the sound
she makes as the heavy drops fall
with assured intent
now

tonight i like the rain…
because she seems to know
that our earth is crying i guess…
i think our earth is just plain tired
with all of us
not caring

but tonight i thank the rain...
as she incessantly washes all the uncaring away
once again
giving us another chance
to care
like we used to

tonight i like the rain...

-- weaver © 2005

the secret to life...?

2005-06-22T14:08:00.002-07:00

There's a wonderful quote by Esther Hicks & Abraham that i try to live by...

"Appreciation is the secret to life.
Become a person who appreciates,
and you will thrive:
you will fulfill your reason for being."
-- Abraham-Hicks
www.abraham-hicks.com

... what more can i say?... as it has already been said so well....
i know that when i appreciate... appreciation always comes back to me...

have a good day all...

(((o)))

strange encounters of the...

2005-06-06T16:41:00.001-07:00

A number of years ago while spending the weekend on wonderful Bowen Island, i had a very interesting encounter.

A friend of mine and i were just arriving at the bed and breakfast where we were going to spend the next couple of days for some much-needed time off. After we parked the car on the side of the road, we started to unpack the car of our belongings. My friend was already heading up the steep driveway to the B & B with a load of stuff while i was still organizing a load for myself at the back of the car.

I still had my head in the hatch of the car gathering my stuff when I heard a strange buzzing sound in the bushes at the side of the road. I couldn’t make out the sound but it seemed to be getting louder the more i focused on it... I looked over to where the sound seemed to be coming from but couldn’t see anything... and so.. I stepped into the brush ever so slightly and then saw something just above the shadowed bushes rocking back and forth... and it was humming and buzzing while it rocked... i couldn’t make out what it was but the sound kept getting louder and louder... and then i wondered if it was a hummingbi.......

When... i realized what is was... all of a sudden, it shot straight up into the sky... it was a hummingbird! i watched as it flew up and up as far as i could see... and then lost track of it, it disappeared... i kept looking for it standing there with my arms full of stuff, wondering where it went... i kept looking for it for quite some time... and nothing... i gave up and went back to unpacking the car...

As i turned back to the car, suddenly the hummer was flying back down, dive-bombing me... i quickly ducked as i could feel the wind brush the top of my head as he/she grazed over me and flew off...

wow... i couldn’t help but think all that was a tad personal... and i then wrote a poem about it... (see the poem "quickening... (a power song)...

(((o)))

quickening... (power song)

2005-06-06T10:10:00.001-07:00

poem...

quickening (power song)

to gather
energy
at a moment’s notice

hovering
within
the mother’s arms

gently
rocking
side to side

cradled

light
sound
envelopes my
whole being

humming
humming

letting go
straight to the heart

as far as one
can go

catching
the breath
of spirit

to allow
and let go

with total trust
and knowingness
as i fall
willingly

i am
nurtured
and loved within
the ever present
great mother

she is
i am

one in the all
together
flying in
completeness

and just knowing

joy is
the song

as
i am
the singer
and the song

i soar!

-- © weaver

you never know what can happen when you go for a jug of milk...

2005-06-03T12:52:00.002-07:00

When I was around say, the age of 10 or 11, my mom asked me, (or my brother and sister) as she often did, to run over to the barn to get some milk out of the dairy. So, off I went with a blue plastic jug in-hand and headed down our short drive-way towards the barn when...

Almost half way, I heard something rustling in the tall grass off to my right, just past the gas tanks. I stopped to check it out and about four feet in, was one of our tabby barn cats pawing at something tentatively on the ground in front of him/her. Cautiously, I stepped into the deep grass to find out what was really going on.

I saw that a tiny, little gray mouse was standing upright on it’s hind legs with his dukes up – swinging back at the cat who was nervously poking back.

I couldn't believe what I was actually seeing and how I was now, a spectator to what seemed an implausible bout.

At one point, I'm sure that I saw the mouse make contact with the cat's nose! I stood there shaking my head in disbelief. I thought I could also hear the mouse chanting, "Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up... Just try it... Just try it!"

Still clutching the milk jug (now-squashed) under my arm, to not disturb the event, I carefully squatted down cross-legged and watched in awe for quite some time – mesmerized with the silent, slow-mo match. I cheered the little gray guy on.

I was astounded as to how persistent both the cat and mouse were. That gutsy mouse was just not going to back down, no matter what, nor the cat – a definite stand-off. And still, no sound from either...

I couldn’t help it… I eventually broke the match up by shooing the tabby away... thinking I was ultimately rescuing the incredibly brave mouse... though, at the same time I also wondered if I was really redeeming the wimpy cat. I also knew I had to get back with the milk.

When I returned with the requested jug, my annoyed mom sighed, asking me why it took me so damn long to get back. I replied, “I don’t know.”

I thought about what I had witnessed that day for quite some time after that and sometimes still do. If I hadn’t broken up the match, who would have eventually won? Maybe there’s more to mice than we really know? Maybe that’s how the idea for the classic Disney cartoon "Mighty Mouse" may have come from?

I think what I really learned from that day is, that it really doesn't matter how big or small you are or how insignificant you might “think” you are – all that matters is how you “feel and know" who you are.

Truly, it was a moment that a tiny little mouse mightily roared – silently… and I got to see it, not hear it!

the healing ears... (not a typo either...)

2005-06-01T10:06:00.001-07:00

poem...

the healing ears (not a typo either)

a hanging half moon night is
nagging away a blue sky day...

driving back home and stopping in on the way
a mallard stands at the store door...

mom with a butcher knife
still screams in my ears...

remembrance…

that i got way too close
to an unknown
full-swinging baseball bat...

and the many drums are healing once again...

yes please... the resonant.

-- © 2003 weaver

fond growings...

2005-05-31T10:28:00.001-07:00

You know… there are times I revisit moments of my childhood…my growing up on a potato and cow farm south of Vancouver… out on the mud flats of East Delta…

I spent much time alone and by myself during those“grow-up” years… mostly escaping the shouting times of my adoptive mother… who never seemed very happy and always angry for reasons I was never sure…

Time and again, I would flee those dreaded moments especially when I feared and knew when the next shout would be…the projections of her fear habitually directed at me… And so…off I would go… in a ten minute walk… out to the back fields to just, be “away”…

It was there in the wide, open breath of fresh air, I would always find some solace… some peace…and a different quiet…other sounds that didn’t threaten me… I looked forward to the joys of encountering nature from the spaces of flat fields and the domed, white-clouded blue sky…

Often I would take my kite or many kites, and put them all up in the wind, one at a time, and then tie them to the sharp wired fence or stake them into the soft, dark dirt … I would lay right down, flat on my back between the angled strings… watching the coloured diamonds and their long tails dancing for hours on end… and if they would fall for whatever reason, I’d run and retrieve them…setting them up, flying once again… it wasn’t until my later years that, remembering all that “looking up”… that I had come to know the cloud people and their soft ways so well…I guess that was their “way”…’Cause I still know “them” to this day….

Sometimes I would build a little fire and invent my own ceremony for whatever reason or not… dreaming up little celebrations that of course, needed celebrating… to sing my own songs to the unending sky, maybe dance self-consiously knowing that i wasn't really alone... or incessantly stare at the sparkling flames, burning down quickly to eventual small glowing embers until they would all die in a sudden extinguished puff of smoke… only… for me to start it all over again…to be a witness to the life-process of flame all over again… I loved being mesmerized by the fire’s tale and her inviting warmth…how she fed me…over and over… and it was never the same story…

In the dark and rainy days of Fall, I would still venture out to my land of awe… I'd find myself tracking the giant, dignified snowy owls that would come from far away places… They’d put up camp on the barbed-wired fence posts…and wait sentinally for the unknowingly next meal scurrying or flying by far away…. On my belly, like a World War II soldier without a gun or weapon… I would creep…slowly… as silent as I could be…and, with a bit of luck, hopefully get a closer glimpse of their kingly state… but never could I, because often, with a snap 360 degree turn, the owl would see me… finally detect me… and swiftly launch a silent departure…. fly with a vast-spreaded wing-span…and glide so low over to the next flooded field… Once again, to sit in a perch of stillness, tolerant of the relentless stinging rain… to patiently wait for me… almost teasing me… Sometimes I swear I could hear their chucklings at the next expected quest from me… Frustrated… I’d stand straight up and stagger over to where one had just been… only to find the tightly-woven pellets of their last lunches and suppers strewn on the ground below the fence post… I’d sit down cross-legged, and carefully, like a scientist tear open each small, grayish package apart… revealing the regurgitated matted fur bundle of tiny bones, feathers and hair of field mice and small birds…

I don’t think I ever got close enough to actually see one of those magnificent birds eye-to-eye… and when I think of it now… I’m glad I didn’t…

And so… I thank Great Spirit for the experiences and nature moments of my childhood times… Thank God/ess for those times…those times that saved me …. I give thanks for my angry mother... who pushed me to the back fields to my home of refuge, the places of my other Mother… my blessed Earth Mother… as she fed me… she taught me…she showed me… and she held me…and she still does… weaver (((o)))

memoriam...

2005-05-31T10:25:00.001-07:00

poem....

memoriam...

i attempt to

re-call...

the feeling of
heavy rain
dropping from
the tip of a leaf...

witnessing
the path of wet
run down
my crooked finger
into my willing,
open palm...

please...

more cleansing
i ask
as the stream it
clings
my hopeful skin...

a moment....

fresh moment of blessed rain
great spirit....
guide me...

to remember
me...
remember me...

i ask
"she who walks beside me walking"....
help me to know

the trust of you....

i now...

hand it all
over.

-- weaver © 2004

today... a first day...

2005-05-30T13:45:00.001-07:00

poem...

kneel down with the grasses before you...

and listen for the wind's whisper...

allow the mountains to embrace you...

and sing with the heavens above...

privacy policy...

2005-05-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

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At http://drumweaver.blogspot.com, the privacy of our visitors is of extreme importance to us. This privacy policy document outlines the types of personal information is received and collected by http://drumweaver.blogspot.com and how it is used.

Log Files
Like many other Web sites, http://drumweaver.blogspot.com makes use of log files. The information inside the log files includes internet protocol ( IP ) addresses, type of browser, Internet Service Provider ( ISP ), date/time stamp, referring/exit pages, and number of clicks to analyze trends, administer the site, track user’s movement around the site, and gather demographic information. IP addresses, and other such information are not linked to any information that is personally identifiable.

Cookies and Web Beacons
http://drumweaver.blogspot.com does use cookies to store information about visitors preferences, record user-specific information on which pages the user access or visit, customize Web page content based on visitors browser type or other information that the visitor sends via their browser.

DoubleClick DART Cookie
.:: Google, as a third party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads on http://drumweaver.blogspot.com.
.:: Google's use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to users based on their visit to http://drumweaver.blogspot.com and other sites on the Internet.
.:: Users may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy at the following URL - http://www.google.com/privacy_ads.html

Some of our advertising partners may use cookies and web beacons on our site. Our advertising partners include ....
Google Adsense
Commission Junction
Linkshare
Amazon
Kontera

These third-party ad servers or ad networks use technology to the advertisements and links that appear on http://drumweaver.blogspot.com send directly to your browsers. They automatically receive your IP address when this occurs. Other technologies ( such as cookies, JavaScript, or Web Beacons ) may also be used by the third-party ad networks to measure the effectiveness of their advertisements and / or to personalize the advertising content that you see.

http://drumweaver.blogspot.com has no access to or control over these cookies that are used by third-party advertisers.

You should consult the respective privacy policies of these third-party ad servers for more detailed information on their practices as well as for instructions about how to opt-out of certain practices. http://drumweaver.blogspot.com's privacy policy does not apply to, and we cannot control the activities of, such other advertisers or web sites.

If you wish to disable cookies, you may do so through your individual browser options. More detailed information about cookie management with specific web browsers can be found at the browsers' respective websites.

Updated March 22, 2009